Can you find humor in the midst of a caregiving journey? Minty Swanson, a caregiver for her husband Chris, who's battling non-small cell lung cancer and carcinoid cancer, certainly can. Join us to talk about the difficulties they've faced, especially during the pandemic, and how they've found joy even in tough times, laughing together at silly things and planning for the future while cherishing the present.
As a caregiver, grief can sometimes sneak up on you. Minty shares her unexpected journey with grief and the importance of recognizing and processing it for self-care. We also dive into how God has been present in her caregiving journey, providing beautiful moments of reflection and peace. Learn how Minty has learned to prioritize self-care by spending quality time with her grandkids, channeling her emotions into mixed media artworks, and relying on Jesus and his unfailing word to guide her through life's challenges.
(0:02) Caregiving and Finding Humor
(7:04) Grief and Caregiving
(13:37) Caregiver Peace and Contentment
Can you find humor in the midst of a caregiving journey? Minty Swanson, a caregiver for her husband Chris, who's battling non-small cell lung cancer and carcinoid cancer, certainly can. Join us to talk about the difficulties they've faced, especially during the pandemic, and how they've found joy even in tough times, laughing together at silly things and planning for the future while cherishing the present.
As a caregiver, grief can sometimes sneak up on you. Minty shares her unexpected journey with grief and the importance of recognizing and processing it for self-care. We also dive into how God has been present in her caregiving journey, providing beautiful moments of reflection and peace. Learn how Minty has learned to prioritize self-care by spending quality time with her grandkids, channeling her emotions into mixed media artworks, and relying on Jesus and his unfailing word to guide her through life's challenges.
(0:02) Caregiving and Finding Humor
(7:04) Grief and Caregiving
(13:37) Caregiver Peace and Contentment
Hello, this is Rayna Neises, your host with the Season of Caring Podcast, where we share stories of hope for family caregivers, breaking through the busyness and loneliness of life to see God even in the season of your life. I'm so excited to introduce you today to our guest, Minty. Minty Swanson is a caregiver for her husband. They live in Georgia, they've been married for almost nine years and together they have five grandchildren, eight grandchildren. She's a mixed media artist and loves working in her flower garden, cooking, and is beginning to write a little. Welcome, Minty. I'm so glad to have you here today. Thank you, Rayna. Thank you for having me. Well, i so appreciate your story. I know that you're still in the thick of your caregiving and a lot of times my guests are on the outside of it, so it can be a whole different emotional roller coaster while you're still in the middle. So start out by just telling our listeners a little bit about you and Chris and the journey that you guys are on.
Minty Swanson:Well, in October we will have been married nine years, and in May of 2020, he was diagnosed with non-small cell lung cancer, which has since metastasized to his brain, and he also has carcinoid cancer and liver cancer. We have a few battles in our hands.
Rayna Neises:So 2020,? we all know what that year looks like for the rest of us. To be going through all of this with COVID. That had to have been even more another layer to getting help at this point.
Minty Swanson:Well, and he actually had his first lung scan and they saw something on the lung scan. But because of COVID we couldn't do a follow up And we kind of joke now that COVID quarantine was practiced for cancer quarantine. But eventually after a few months he was able to get the scan and we were able to start. Yeah, but it delayed a lot of things And of course I wasn't able to go with them to appointments in the beginning, which was really hard.
Rayna Neises:That's tough. I can't even imagine So at this point. You're three years into the journey And lots of different treatments, lots of different things. How is Chris doing?
Minty Swanson:Right now he's doing okay. He's struggling a little bit, He does have pain daily and a lot of fatigue And he's lost probably about 50 pounds in the past six or seven months because he just doesn't have an appetite And I think he's got a really great attitude and holding on to his faith. But you get tired of constant pain and tired of not being able to do what you want to do or what you used to be able to do.
Rayna Neises:Yeah, yeah, yeah, i'm sure that's really hard. The mental part of illness is so challenging. I haven't thankfully haven't had to live in a lot of pain. I took a spill down the stairs when I was caring for my dad and I had a frozen shoulder for about a year And that was a constant pain. There was no comfort laying down, sitting up, it just was always there, sometimes worse than others. But, man, it makes you irritable And, just like you said, even concentration when you're in pain is different. So that has to be really hard And I'm thankful that he has a space, because I'm sure that's all the way that was dragging him along right To hang in there. So you have a favorite caregiver story that you could share with us?
Minty Swanson:One of our favorite stories. We've had a weird sense of humor. We've always had a weird sense of humor, even before cancer. Okay, the answer is made it worse and a little more warped.
Minty Swanson:A little over a year ago we were staying at an Airbnb cabin with one of our daughters and her family for the weekend And Chris and I one of the nights we were in the kitchen making some pasta And our son-in-law was sitting at the counter reading one of those little decks of conversation icebreaker cards they had there And he would pull a card and ask one of us we'd answer it And we're just going around and each taking turns. Well, he pulls a card and asks my husband, where do you see yourself in three years? And we just all had this awkward silence. Yeah, but thinking about the heaviness of that question, and I turned to Chris and looked at him and kind of threw my hands in the air and I said alive. And he said yes, alive and retired. And we just laughed And we thought it was hilarious. Our daughter not so much. I think it was very funny, but humor helps us a lot And we hold on to that And those fun times.
Rayna Neises:They say if you don't laugh, you cry.
Minty Swanson:Do you find that to be true?
Rayna Neises:And we do both. Yeah, We're fun to laugh. Yeah, definitely It has to feel so different having that expiration date, you know, in your mind I mean just even thinking three years doesn't feel like that long. So I'm sure that's really hard daily. Do you think about that daily or how do you handle that?
Minty Swanson:I don't know if I think about it daily Because Chris, as I said, he doesn't want to know, and we've told all our kids that, and he wants to live for the moment and live for now, but at the same time we make plans for end of life where shit ends end of life, certain risks And what we want to.
Minty Swanson:Don't avoid the conversations. No, we don't avoid the conversation. All our plans and papers are in place. So it's that balance of being as prepared as you can but not living in the dread of it. The dread of it, exactly. Yeah.
Rayna Neises:You know my experience has been with both of my parents having Alzheimer's. It's this long journey that you don't know how long it is, and really that's true for all of us that when we have a diagnosis we have a tendency to focus on that more. You know, oh, is this the end? Is that we're waiting for the other shoe to drop, those kinds of things? So I can imagine that definitely is a talent or even a time that it took to kind of get to that balance of living everything you got in the moment but knowing that the progression is going to happen, i guess.
Minty Swanson:Even yesterday we were just laying there talking and I just looked at him. I said I am going to miss you so much. And he looked at me with this little grin and said well, i'm not going to be missing you, i'm just going to look. No, you're going to be with Jesus Exactly Well, dang that seems like a lot better. I'm going to look at you.
Rayna Neises:Well, that's beautiful. Thanks for sharing that. I'm sure that's hard. So what's one thing that surprised you about caregiving?
Minty Swanson:I think one thing that really was unexpected to me and I feel like I'm right in the middle of learning about it now is the process of grief. I think before cancer, i tended to think of grief as something that happens when someone passes, and with this journey there's so many of mothas along the way that really grief is part of the process While people are still living, which can be really hard, and I think about, i mean, there's losses for him, there's losses for me, there's losses for other family members. So I think realizing that it was grief was helpful to me. Yeah, like some of our losses, chris can't drive anymore And that was a big blow for him, especially since he would use drives alone as his career time, as his worship time, as a reflection and getting away and to have that gone, yeah, was more than just the drive, yeah, yeah.
Minty Swanson:And even silly things, like we have always loved to play games and we have a favorite card game called Hands and Feet. It's a favorite among our family and friends and we've just always loved it. But calculating plans and strategies right now is hurried with some brain function changes, yeah, and so even a little thing like losing a card game, that's part of your relationship, little things you do together. When that's gone, there's grief there.
Rayna Neises:Yeah.
Minty Swanson:And there's loss there And it's hard.
Rayna Neises:It is hard. I think grief is really, really hard And, like you said, i think identifying it begins the process of learning how to deal with it. What your process of dealing with grief is, that's not the right way of saying it, but I think each of us have to have a process of processing grief.
Minty Swanson:Yes.
Rayna Neises:And learning what that looks like for each individual person. I mean, there's common things that are helpful to us, but I think there are a lot of things that each of us just have to find what works for us, and it is important to learn to do that, and until you even realize that's what it is, you can't start learning how to process it.
Minty Swanson:And then I think there was some resistance at first, like he's still here, why am I believing? But you know, and again, we've talked for a long time And it kind of got me interested in wanting to learn about brain function and grief. And so, just beginning to start, i've just begun to start reading about the protection process that the brain goes into when it senses loss or danger or trauma, and the struggle there, and it's just, it was really amazing to me to think that God made our brain like that on purpose And what. How amazing that is painful, terribly painful, but how amazing that is that he created our bodies and how they react in adversity, and so that's been kind of helpful. It's still hard, still really hard, but it's helpful to know that you made us that way And we're not alone in that.
Rayna Neises:I love that you're taking ownership of the research to learn and to understand. I know really so much of the brain. Science is new. That we're just learning about all the things the way that our body holds on to trauma actually in the cells And, like you said, just the reactions to grief. I've done some studying as well, just because there seems to be so much new information out there to really be able to put together.
Rayna Neises:I'm putting together a course that should be available by the time. this airs about just peace and grief And really it's a resource for brokenhearted caregivers, because we're all brokenhearted. This is hard at a level that so many other things don't compare. I think, and part of a big piece of that is that lack of understanding of grief and the impact that it has on so much of us, not just the emotional side, which I think we can stuff for a while, but the physical, the mental, all of those things that you're talking about. putting together that resource for people to be able to go in and just get a little nibble into what's out there, so that they can start to educate themselves more and learn both.
Rayna Neises:I think it does help for us to have intellectual knowledge but also then move into how do I process this? Because really that's all we can do with grief is process the grief And, like you said, the most important thing is knowing you're not alone and that God's there with you in the middle of it and he'll help you to be able to move through that, not by taking it away, but rather by being present. Walk in it through it. Walk in it through it? Yes, definitely So. how has God shown up for you in your caregiving season? I know a million ways, but just a million, a million ways, a million ways every day.
Minty Swanson:One story that comes to mind is early on, when Chris was having a lung biopsy die. He was in recovery and was still had to be at the hospital for a few hours, and so I decided to go for a walk. The hospital had this sweet little walking path around its grounds, i guess, and it was a beautiful day and no one else was out walking. I don't know why, but they had these little benches along the path And I noticed that one bench was facing the opposite direction of every other bench I had come across And as I came upon it I realized it was turning that way to face this beautiful little car And there was all these wildflowers blooming around here And big magnolia tree and ducks were playing in the water. It was just idyllic And I thought I just what a gift from God that I could sit there in this little mini paradise and calm my soul while I'm waiting for Chris amidst all this anxiety.
Rayna Neises:Yeah.
Minty Swanson:And so even just like the gifts of nature really speak to me, things like that walk in that park and in my flower garden, i think he gives me peace a lot through those things.
Rayna Neises:That little oasis that he seemed to provide right there in that moment. And I love, too, that I think we learn to find those when we know, like you said, your flower garden is one of your places. That we learn, when our heart longs for that, to go. Get our hands on the earth and go and do those things for ourselves. He's so faithful to remind us and to give us those things that just draw our eyes right back to him.
Minty Swanson:Yes, that's good.
Rayna Neises:So this one's a little tricky too as far as a question I ask but what's one thing that you do that helps you to live content, love well and care without regrets? Or we need to put that as or arena, because not all of those things are easy to do every day, but would be one thing that you find helps you with them.
Minty Swanson:Well, i know that when I first started this journey I hated the word self-care And that just felt selfish to me. I wouldn't have told anybody else. It was selfish for them, but for me it felt selfish. But and that's a lot of what you hear But over the years I've realized it's because it's as important as everybody says it is.
Minty Swanson:Yes, and we need to keep carrying it. So I think I try to be in the moment, a lot like noticing the pond or noticing our flowers. Spending time with my grandkids brings me a lot of smiles and giggles, and They definitely help you stay in the moment, don't they?
Rayna Neises:I don't know what it is about being childlike, but they do just write, they notice every little thing, and so it does help you. You notice those things too. Yeah, yeah, beautiful.
Minty Swanson:And I'm a mixed media artist. I have not been painting for the past few years, but I'm starting to get back into the studio And I do process really well, journaling with words and with paint, and so trying to bring that back in as doing it more often, i feel like I have a little more time than a lot of caregivers. Chris is pretty self-sufficient I mean, he is still working for long and can do things for himself, so it's a little easier for me, time wise, to choose those things And I think, together as far as finding contentment, we're just trying to be aware of how we want to spend our time.
Rayna Neises:Yeah.
Minty Swanson:And choose things that we can do together, especially since some things that we always did together are no longer part of our life. Yeah, find new things that we can enjoy and do together, and try not to make cancer everything, when cancer is everything.
Rayna Neises:Yeah, yeah, that's great. Thanks for being honest about self-care, because I struggle with that a lot in the podcast and being able to share the importance of it. But I know people get sick of it. I got sick of it And so it does take adopting it and understanding what it looks like for you to realize that it is as important as everybody says it is. That's hard.
Rayna Neises:I don't know how to share that message in a way that we can receive it better, but I appreciate you saying that, because I know that a lot of people feel that way. So let's wrap up with one golden nugget that you might pass on wisdom to other caregivers.
Minty Swanson:I would like to leave us with a line from one of my favorite curatean prayers And it says the first line of the prayer says my father, in a world of created changeable things, christ and his word alone are unshake. And this journey that we're on, we say we live day by day because we have to, because we don't know what test or scan is going to turn up or how he's going to feel, or how I'm going to feel, or our world can be shaken at a moment. But just holding on fast to the fact that Jesus Christ and his word are unshaken and they're mark our own, so hold on to that.
Rayna Neises:That's beautiful And it's so true. And when we know that, we know that, we know that we can hold on to that truth, it does change how we do everything. Thanks so much, minty. It's been wonderful to be able to visit with you and just to be able to share a little bit of your story and Chris's story. Thanks again for joining us.
Minty Swanson:Well, thank you for having me. It's been a pleasure.
Rayna Neises:Thank you for joining us listeners, and this has been Stories of Hope from Minty. This episode has been brought to you by a resource for brokenhearted caregivers Peace and brief. You can find that on my website at seasonofcaringcom. I'd love for you to be able to really embrace the grief and begin to learn how you need to process it. A Season of Caring podcast has been created to share stories of hope, of living content, loving well and caring with their regrets. If you have legal, financial or medical questions, be sure to consult your local professionals and take heart in your season of care. Thank you for watching, have a great day And I'll see you in the next one. Bye.