Navigating Life While Caregiving: Dr. Alyncia Bowen

Navigating the world of caregiving can seem like a daunting journey, especially when precious loved ones are involved. I’m excited to share an interview with Dr. Alyncia Bowen, a family caregiver and Dean at Franklin University School of Business. She has handled this responsibility with grace and resilience. Alyncia shares her personal experiences as the primary caregiver for her mother, from early adolescence to today.

Alyncia’s insightful journey into the world of caregiving truly paints a vivid picture of this role’s unique trials and triumphs. She tells heartwarming stories, including finding the ideal purple walker for her mom, highlighting the often forgotten compassion in caregiving. The conversation then leads us to discuss the importance of robust support networks, the power of intentionality in caregiving, and how even a simple spaghetti pot can communicate.

We round off our conversation with Alyncia sharing the transformational impact caregivers can make, and the crucial importance of self-care. She recounts inspiring stories of unexpected assistance she received when she needed care herself, demonstrating the immense power of community. We also delve into the dignity of those we care for, and the responsibilities tied to caregiving. This episode is a helpful guide and insightful reflection on caregiving, reminding us of the importance of sharing our experiences. 

Transcript

[00:00:00] Rayna Neises: Welcome to a Season of Caring Podcast. I'm your host, Rayna Neises, where we share stories of hope for family caregivers, breaking through the busyness and loneliness of life to see God, even in this season of life. Today, I'm excited to introduce you to Alyncia Bowen. Dr. Alyncia Bowen earned her doctorate in organization and management from Capella University.

[00:00:24] Her master's in health care administration from Central Michigan University and a Bachelor's of Science from Capital University. Dr. Bowen for over 23 years has held several leadership positions in health care. Currently, she serves at Franklin University as the dean of the Ross College of Business, Executive Director of the Franklin University Leadership Center and Co Executive Director of the Global Center of Healthcare Education.

[00:00:48] Alyncia is also the primary caregiver of her mom. So excited to have you here today.

[00:00:53] Yes. Yes.

[00:00:54] And I look forward to having you share a little bit about mom and let's just kind of start off telling me a little bit about her and sharing with our audience.

[00:01:02] Dr. Alyncia Bowen: So my mom is a pastor in our church. She is one of the few female pastors in our, in our reformation, but she served in various areas of ministry from being an evangelist to leading all the church administrator, and then to as pastor, she was an administrator to my uncle who was also a pastor for 27 years.

[00:01:23] She and I are like two peas in a pod, our birthdays are one day apart, so that even makes it even better, worse if I can say, but, but what started like our caregiver giving journey is my mom worked full time. She was very engaged in her career. She developed. Bronchitis every year in the winter time. So it was a winter time and she kept getting this really nasty cough and this really nasty respiratory situation and it later turned into asthmatic bronchitis and quickly they learned that she had to retire off from her job at 35.

[00:02:02] So imagine having me 12, 13 years old, and then all of a sudden you're going to have to retire. Um, so she retired off of her job and pretty much they, they said it was work related because she worked for the government and she did investigative work and they sent her often into rural counties of Ohio.

[00:02:22] Which were not amenable to people that look like us and she often had it to be escorted in by the police and then escorted out to safe to be to ensure her safety. So it was stress induced and also they did secondhand smoking at the time. And she had never smoked a day of her life. So they have these lungs.

[00:02:42] So my mom had these awful lungs. And so she had her first real major asthma attack. I'll never forget. It was a winter in Ohio and it sounds really like a story. It was a winter in Columbus, Ohio and the roads were extremely icy because we get a lot of ice in Columbus and I was 14 years old and no driver's license and the road that we lived on was two lanes and windy.

[00:03:07] But I had to get my mom to the hospital, so I first had to get out of the garage, which was a single car garage at the time without tearing up the car. Oh, yeah, that was

[00:03:17] Rayna Neises: really

[00:03:17] Dr. Alyncia Bowen: good. We did that and the whole time I can hear her gasping next to me. And that was our first part of our journey. She did get there safely.

[00:03:27] And I remember going into the ER and they were rushing her in and, um, and they were talking to me and I was telling them what was going on. And I said, by the way, can someone park the car? And everyone just looked at me and they said, what do you mean? I said, it's in the middle of the driveway. I don't know how to drive.

[00:03:43] I'm 14. They're like, Oh my God, you drove in this weather when things were shutting down and I'm Hmm. So someone went out and parked the car and then they called our pastor at the time. And he and his wife came and one drove the car home and one drove, you know, make sure I got back. But that was my first experience with her asthma attack.

[00:04:02] So we started off with that. So my mom is definitely my hero because she's overcome a lot and she's still here. Even when doctors said that she wouldn't live long, she's still here and they're dead. She's, uh, her, well, her asthma has definitely gotten better and we could almost say miraculously healed, um, because she doesn't have as many complications.

[00:04:27] From her asthma. She's not been hospitalized in over 20 years for her asthma when she used to spend three weeks of every month in the hospital and oxygen. And if she ever traveled to like a church conference or an event, she had to have the tanks and they had to notify all of the healthcare facilities just to prep for her. Just in case. And so it was that type of situation.

[00:04:49] So my mom, she's really great. She's very creative. She still stays very busy. She's still pastors. I'm now her administrator when she was to my uncle. So she stays very busy. I'm always amazed at what she does, but she's still very busy. And

[00:05:04] Rayna Neises: obviously still has some risk to her health.

[00:05:08] Dr. Alyncia Bowen: Oh, yeah. So when you have asthma as long as she has and she was on steroids, high dose steroids for over 40 years, those made her bones a little bit more brittle. And so she's at risk for a lot of osteoarthritis and things like that. And so it's really impacted her mobility. And so that's our real struggle now is the mobility.

[00:05:29] She's got a great mind, but the body's just not there as much as she would love to be. So that is where my caregiving lies a little bit more. And you know, we had a doctor's appointment this morning, so that's, yeah. So navigating all that, navigating it all. I often

[00:05:44] Rayna Neises: tell people. I hear a lot, you know, why don't they use their walker?

[00:05:49] Why don't they, when the body starts to be more fragile, but I always say to people, well, how old are you in your brain? Cause I'm not my age. So, and I think that's very true with those that we're caring for and that we love that are older, not only is their body not. Performing like they want it to, but they also think it should.

[00:06:11] So a lot of times it's just an adjustment for everybody to kind of get used to, Oh, we need to go slower. Or we need to consider this versus all the things that you had to always consider with the

[00:06:21] Dr. Alyncia Bowen: breathing. And, you know, because I'm also the perpetual caregiver, if anyone's been sick in my family, which I've been a caregiver for four of my.

[00:06:30] 3 of my uncles, 1 of 1 aunt, and also a cousin, he's still here who has developmental delays and he's also on the spectrum for Asperger's and autism and other mental health issues. So I'm the professional caregiver. And so you do have to take all things into consideration where it may take me a few minutes to jump up and get ready and.

[00:06:53] Go, I'm out the door when I have the complexities of whatever, whatever everyone wakes up that morning with, you know, it starts real early. Okay. Did you get up and do this? Did you get up? Did you take all your medicine? Did you, you know, so it is different. And then you may talk about mobility issues. My mom doesn't mind using the.

[00:07:13] She uses a walker, um, only when she's out. So she can use her cane or kind of ambulate by holding on to things around the house. Right. But, um, sometimes using the walker, I have to make sure it's a beautiful purple walker with a little seat. And I bought her a new one that if I need to convert it to a wheelchair, I can.

[00:07:36] So those are things you have to think farther ahead. You can't rely on those things being available at the grocery store. I don't do grocery shopping anymore, to be honest, I have it all delivered, but you have to think about those things. What are, what's going to happen if I do this? What, you know, if I'm, if I'm flying, you have to think about what's the hotel going to be like, what can I, you know, all those things are considerations and everything that we do, whether it's a local transport or a long distance transport.

[00:08:03] Yeah, those are all considerations now.

[00:08:05] Rayna Neises: Definitely. I love that you got purple because there's that's the best.

[00:08:08] Dr. Alyncia Bowen: Purple is the power color.

[00:08:12] Rayna Neises: And I love that too because I think sometimes we also have a tendency to just take what we can get versus actually what meets our needs and I think that's one of the things that we can really learn to explore and ask the questions to really see what's available because.

[00:08:28] A lot of those medical devices have come a long way. And there's a lot more options out there than people. I know when I was looking for a walker, my dad was having some trouble with his blood pressure. Well, he also had Alzheimer's disease and all of the walkers I was seeing all had four wheels and you had to use the brakes.

[00:08:45] And I thought, I don't know that his brain can do that. You know, I mean, in the moment when it's sliding out from underneath you thinking of grasping the brakes is not always something that can happen in that problem solving area of the brain that's been impacted. So I found one that when you put the weight on it, it dropped to the floor.

[00:09:06] Oh, so you didn't have to activate brakes. You just could press on it and then it would stop. So you had to not press on it to walk, but at least then it wouldn't just slide out from underneath him. So there are all different kinds, but you do really have to look and we didn't find anything. He would have loved blue, but that wasn't.

[00:09:23] And I didn't look that far, so

[00:09:26] Dr. Alyncia Bowen: I love that you found verbal. It's very, you have to be very intentional as a caregiver. Everything's an intention. You can't be caught off guard. You have to be very purposeful in planning for doing it. As long as I have, I've realized you have to be purposeful and plan ahead for.

[00:09:41] Everything. Well, and I'm

[00:09:43] Rayna Neises: sure you have a big network too. And that's something that can be really helpful is just asking. It's amazing what you'll learn when

[00:09:50] Dr. Alyncia Bowen: you ask. That's hard to do. It is. It's hard to do, especially if you're alone, you're caring for is a very well known person, physical person that people see, you have to be careful and protect them and their vulnerability.

[00:10:05] So finding

[00:10:05] Rayna Neises: that network that's trustworthy, yeah, definitely. So tell me what's one thing that surprised you the most about caregiving your started so young, you might not even have been that surprised just because you've been navigating it

[00:10:18] Dr. Alyncia Bowen: for so long. It's my norm, which is really what you're, what you're saying.

[00:10:23] I guess for me, when I first started, I started it, it was very scary and now it's kind of like. Everyone's a caregiver. You realize you're not by yourself. Whereas when I was younger, I felt by myself. I didn't even know that's what I was doing. Right. To be honest, I didn't know that's what I was doing. My grandmother came every time my mom was in hospital.

[00:10:45] I love my grandmother. We had a good time, but my grandmother had heart disease. So I still was helping her a little bit. But I think the thing that surprises me the most is the lack of compassion about it. They don't always, they're not as compassionate for The individual going through the change in the quality of their life.

[00:11:07] And sometimes those individuals have to explain, or they feel like they have to explain why they're not able to do something. And I told my mom when she got a certain age, you don't owe anyone an explanation. You can have a little attitude if you just don't want to, you don't. And at this age now, I'm like, you can just choose what you want to do or don't do.

[00:11:24] It's not that big of a deal and it works really well for her. But I think the surprising piece was that there was, people were not as compassionate, I can actually say a Christian community, not as compassionate. My grandmother used to say, you can be sick for one day now. That wasn't literally what she meant, but she's saying, if you're sick too long, people are going to forget about you and they're not going to ask questions.

[00:11:48] And then I'm like, Oh, I don't want to do that anymore. And so. I found that to be unfortunately true.

[00:11:56] Rayna Neises: Yeah. My caregiving season for my dad, I mean, he was diagnosed for 14 years, but for four and a half years, I left my home and drove 220 miles to his place and stayed with him for three days a week and then came home, but when I ran across people in church or other places in life, not that my world was their world, but they most often didn't even think about the fact that I.

[00:12:19] Had literally driven into the doorstep of church. I'd left at six o'clock in the morning to make it to church. And so I was literally walking in. So, you know, to me, it was fresh on my mind, what my weekend had been like and how my dad had been doing. And if we'd been facing any new challenges or whatever, and rarely did anyone, anyone ever ask how he was or how I was or how it was going.

[00:12:46] So it is interesting how. It's not on their radar. And I guess we're all busy. So we're all in our own worlds a little bit, I guess.

[00:12:58] Dr. Alyncia Bowen: We are, we are, but it makes me question. Yeah. That's something we can improve. There are different ministries and different churches and there has to be a ministry that does just the follow.

[00:13:09] Just, Hey, how are you? I never forget one of the ladies when I was growing up from the church. And my mom was new to her illness, she makes maybe a pot of spaghetti as a kid. And I was like, how cool is that? She's like, she had a blended family. She had her, I think two or three kids and he had his two or three or four kids and they came together and they even had more.

[00:13:33] They were the true Brady Bunch. And I just remember her bringing that pot of spaghetti and I think I kept that pot. For years, because I think of her and I, for a while, this pot's the only pot I can make spaghetti. And I was like, no, it's not. And I actually talked to her a couple of years ago. I said, do you know, I just threw away that pot.

[00:13:57] She said, no way. I was like. It was yellow with a little brown at the bottom coming up the side. She said, Oh my God, yes. And she said, I says, why were you so nice? She says, because I had kids. I knew what kids like. You didn't want me to bring you over all this other stuff. You wanted spaghetti. That's what kids eat.

[00:14:15] But I remember that. And she was that type of person while she and her husband, her husband got moved. His job moved him to Dallas, but she was that type of person that she checked in. And there are more people like her. It will make a life a lot easier for the typical caregiver. It would, definitely.

[00:14:31] Rayna Neises: And like you said, just even acknowledging so many people are in this caregiving season. Yes. And at different capacities. I think sometimes people that are caring from a distance feel like, Oh, I'm not really a caregiver. But you are because there are challenges emotionally and support that you can provide.

[00:14:47] Being more aware of that can definitely make such a difference, especially in our churches. Love that. Share a story with us. I know because your season's been long. God's shown up all the time. He shows up every day for you. But share with us one time that really stands out where God showed up for you in your caregiving season.

[00:15:05] Dr. Alyncia Bowen: Wow. Well, he showed up for, um, me and my caregiving season. So, I can share. I share recently. Okay. Okay. Yeah. So nothing's worse. Most caregivers, I've done some research in caregiving. I've interviewed caregivers to publish and I've done some training in my workplace. So the worst thing that could ever happen to the caregiver is you get sick.

[00:15:33] That's the worst thing that can happen is you wake up. I remember someone when I interviewed them said, I prayed every night and say, God, let me die because if I die, who's going to take care of my loved one? And I was like, yeah, you said it. So last year, 2022. It was the year that I, I loved hate. I ended up having five surgeries that last year.

[00:15:54] Wow. Four of them were joint replacements. Holy cow. I know two shoulders, two knees. You're trying to turn into the bionic

[00:16:03] Rayna Neises: woman,

[00:16:03] Dr. Alyncia Bowen: aren't you? I am truly bionic. And so I remember two were planned. The two shoulders were planned, probably from doing what I did with my grandmother, lifting, pulling, carrying all of that good stuff.

[00:16:19] Plus some. Other things I was into before bodybuilding and stuff, which catches up with you later. But I remember I had, my knees had gone out. I was in California. My knees went out and my doctor was like, well, I need to get her in place. I can't walk. I can't. I remember we had a conference here in our city.

[00:16:41] Jamie was at that conference. They had asked me to be on program. I'm like, I can't be on a program. I'll probably be on a walker. And so I was doing my rehab to get off the walker for my first knee replacement. And I was also hosting our church culture missions and I was like, Oh God, how am I going to do this with a need that doesn't work and a need that's rehabbing long story short, some of the members of my church.

[00:17:05] And I went to the hotel, the show at the convention center in the city. I'm there instead of commuting back and forth. I go to and I'm trying to get things done. I'm moving around and I'm realizing my knees not working the way it's supposed to. The new knees not bending, come to find out I need to be manipulated because it did stop moving at 75 degrees and I needed it to be a hundred and something.

[00:17:25] So I'm running around on this scooter trying to get everything done. Taking my medication. So I'm driving under the influence and just had to jokingly tell you that in my scooter and I keep thinking, Oh my God, I got to pull all these gift packs together. I got to pull these gift packs together. I got to do.

[00:17:40] I'm thinking of everything I have to do. My mom's in a room. My dog's in a room. Everybody's in a room. Oh my God. I've been away for a couple hours. Everything's going to be okay. Not. So I get to the room and the ladies that come in, they had just called my mom and we call her mother Rowan. The one, do you need us to do anything?

[00:17:56] She says, well, Lynn's out doing everything. She's solving world hunger. Can you all come to the room if you're here? And they came to the room and they put all my gift bags together, 20 something gift bags. And then not only did they do that, they delivered them to everyone. And I was like, Oh wow. And all week they came, my ice from the ice machine so I can have it for my knee.

[00:18:21] And they came to make sure we got back and forth to service. They came to make sure I got back to my therapy appointments and I was like, no one's ever done this for me. I'm like crying because I never experienced that. That was really God showing up and I was like, Oh my God, this is really, I was able to accomplish everything I needed to accomplish.

[00:18:41] They were right there when it was time to pack up and come back to the house. I needed pods for coffee in the room. They went and got the coffee. I mean, they did everything that my feet normally would have done. And I was so appreciative. And then even though I was feeling some kind of way, because I had to walk up to the platform on a Walker, they helped me practice getting out of that scooter and feeling comfortable to stand up, walk with the Walker.

[00:19:09] And they kept saying, you're going to look so cute. No, one's going to see that Walker. And they were right. It was like, no one paid attention to the fact that I was on a walker, easing up. And I would say God really showed up when I really needed the most. And then they reminded me it was okay to call them.

[00:19:26] And so when I had to get my right knee done six weeks later, cause I got one June 6th, one July 18th. They were like, we're right here and we're back and forth with you and mom. And they came over and planted my flower, my bulbs for me or this spring. And so he really showed up because I love flowers and while it was to help me better do what I was doing.

[00:19:49] It also took the stress away from everything I still needed to do. Yeah. So he really showed up because when the caregiver's down and what happens when the caregiver needs a caregiver was where I was and I needed help and I had to learn how to ask for help and they were right there.

[00:20:06] Rayna Neises: That's amazing. I love that too.

[00:20:08] Cause it sounds like at first mom instigated a little bit, but they just saw the need and the Lord really laid it on their heart to support you in that. And that is so precious to know that we can get the help without asking, even though we have to learn to ask too. So yes, yes. I'm glad that they were there to do that and that you were able to receive it too, because sometimes we have a tendency to kind of push it away whenever people are offering.

[00:20:33] Dr. Alyncia Bowen: Yes, we do.

[00:20:36] Rayna Neises: So what's one thing that helps you live content, love well, or care without regrets?

[00:20:43] Dr. Alyncia Bowen: So one thing about my mom, we both love to travel. So while it may take a few extra steps, we may travel necessary and we make it happen. I believe in self care. A lot of times when you're caring for others, you forget to take care of yourself.

[00:21:04] And it's more than getting your nails done. It's more than everyone know once a week I get my hair done. It's my time with my person massaging my scalp and I, I try not to, I don't think I've ever really missed a time every week, but then I also spend quality time with myself reading and praying. I pray a lot.

[00:21:30] I pray that I don't ever become, I, that I don't. But I lose seeing the joy of what I do, because this is just a part of who I am. There are times you're like, really God, is this all you got for me? I've asked that question. Is this it? Really? Is this it? But when I look about, look at everything, I was, I'm still able to accomplish a lot of things that I want for me.

[00:21:54] I'm, this is, academia is my second career. Okay, I was a health care administrator for 24 years, almost 24 years. I know I'm still 24. Just remember that number doesn't change and being able to still fulfill that desire to work in health care was there. I still sit on community boards. I'm very active in my community.

[00:22:14] I'm active in my church, both locally and jurisdictional and nationally. Um, I still can travel. Um, when I travel internationally, I just make sure everything's taken care of. I've got lots of friends who do what they need to do, call the check and do. And, and I think part of that is they realize I need to balance and stay balanced.

[00:22:34] So I think that's what, you know, I really pray. And I say, God, if you, if you've allowed me to be in this role, Then this is what you ordained for me to do. So help me to see the joy, even when it's not so easy to see the joy, help me to see the joy. And I remember the scripture often do how much is given much is required.

[00:22:54] And I've been given a lot of blessings. And so it's required that I share it in different ways. And I also say that this experience has allowed me to help other people. So I often get people, like I shared, it just came, the study came out of the fact that people Didn't even know I was a caregiver and I was like, either I'm doing it too well or something's wrong.

[00:23:19] Um, but when we went into the pandemic, everybody had cameras now into my home, not that, you know, it was kind of like, hold on, you know, if I was right in the middle of something like, okay, here's a funny thing. My boss called me today. Twice in a row. And I was like, okay, dude, I'm trying to get my hair. And I said, okay.

[00:23:38] And one was just more relaxing kind of a call. But when he realized I was home taking care of my mom too, he was like, how are you doing all that? I said, what do you mean? I actually wanted this because now I don't have to waste two hours and commute commuting. Yes. I actually can wake up, get done what I need to get done.

[00:23:56] Keep going, do the laundry in between, get the dinner done. It's all good. Trust me. And so. Everyone knows my mom, even the president of our university knows my mom and for a while he asked me, how's mom? I'm like, I'm good. And he's like, come on, she's good. We're good. We both have the same knee surgeon. How funny is that?

[00:24:16] But I think when to answer your question, it's just really seeing the joy, making sure I take care of myself doing the things I like to do. And I probably shouldn't say this living by a calendar because I, I have to be hyper, hyper organized. My mom jokingly tells people, I have to, I have to plan to get on her calendar because her schedule.

[00:24:39] I'm like, mom, stop. But she's great in some respects. Yes. You know, so I think

[00:24:45] Rayna Neises: the better you are, and I always just use the word being intentional with my time. The better I am at being intentional, the better we all are. When I was traveling, that was huge. I mean, it really was, there was no wiggle room because I had so much planned.

[00:25:01] But at the same time, part of what's on my schedule is self care. Part of what's on my schedule is lunch with my fun friends, I mean, you have to learn to be intentional and plan it and schedule it, then it happens because caregiving is so full of curve balls. If we just waited for self care to happen, it's not going to happen on its own. So I think that's really

[00:25:23] Dr. Alyncia Bowen: what the curve balls, you know, we've got delayed because of a major curve ball. When my mom had a fall and we're going to a church event. And she missed four steps and I had my shoulder, my last shoulder replacement and she was like, no, no, no, no, no, you can't help me.

[00:25:42] And I was like, and it's like, you gotta help me, gotta help me. And I was, I gotta get up. And then she was like, but she couldn't get up on her own. And I had to call in the squad to help her get up. They helped her get up. They assessed her and everything was fine. And she's like, let's go. We gotta go to church.

[00:25:55] We got it. Cause she was doing something so she didn't want to miss. And we made it to church and I thought, well, it's everything. Okay. Cause she rebounded way too fast. And then within two weeks, everything fell apart. And I'm like, Oh my God, this is serious. And then had to start with the series of the doctor's appointments and the exams and all of this. And it's like, okay, how many doctors do we see? It was really a lot and just getting some normalcy back today, was really great news. It was like, I thank you for the good news. And we celebrate the good news. And I would say also when we don't, one thing about caregiving is maintaining the dignity of the individual that you're serving.

[00:26:36] So important.

[00:26:38] It's easy to just, you know, being in healthcare as healthcare administrator, I knew certain things that I did a lot. Um, but I don't ever want anyone that I'm taking care of to feel that. One, I hate that or hate what I'm doing or that they are losing who they are. When I, when my uncle, my last uncle was 63 when he died with lymphoma and leukemia, when unfortunately I helped to diagnose him and he was my uncle and there was just things I would not do.

[00:27:06] And that was his power of attorney. There's no way I would want my uncle to think my niece has seen me, my private, my niece has seen me at my lowest point. I would do things to make certain I was there. This is a really I don't know how God gave me strength to do this. I was there when he went to sleep and I was there when he woke up.

[00:27:26] Wow. It was in the hospital in the rehab center. Um, because he went to sleep. One day and woke up eight days later in the hospital because he was we found him on unresponsive. He was a military man didn't one ever lose his dignity with that.

[00:27:44] Every time I walked into his ICU bed? I would walk in and say hey Unc, this is Lyn and I would talk to him and when he responded The day he responded, I was like, Whoa, because he had not talked to me in so long. So it was like, wow. And, but I would, I would say maintaining her dignity is what is important to me because as we talked a little offline, I don't want someone to do that for me.

[00:28:09] So, and that's part of my hospice training is that you want to maintain the dignity of not only the person being served, but the person who's serving. Right. Yeah,

[00:28:22] Rayna Neises: so many important things there to think of, I think one of the things because you've been caregiving for so long, I'm impressed that you found yourself because I know I was 16 when my mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and my instinct was.

[00:28:35] Not to go to the college I wanted to go to, my instinct was to stay home or to stay closer to home. And my dad was like, you know, what do you really want? I got her, you go and grow up and, make us proud. And I think sometimes when we're so young, we do shrink our world to accommodate our caregiving. And I love that your world is big and your mom is in it with you and it's not just you are a caregiver but you are a caregiver and you are so many other things and you've learned who you are and what brings you joy and how to have that in your life at the same time as taking care of mom as you need to. And that is the beauty of of caregiving when you're doing it well.

[00:29:25] Sadly, I think people aren't doing it well. Many times the resentment comes, the anger comes, their world shrinks and it's easy to let that happen if you aren't intentional. But I think in this day and age with zoom, the way that we're talking, we have so many opportunities to go ahead and feed ourselves and still take care of the person that's needing us.

[00:29:51] And so I love that you not only stay at home and do that, but you also go out and do that. And I think it is so important to know what brings us joy, who we really are. God's called us to be and how he's gifted us to serve. And caregiving is a piece of that, but it's not all that you are.

[00:30:09] Dr. Alycia Bowen: No, it's not. You know, when we got custody of my cousins, there were three of them. We got custody of them when I was 21. And one was special needs born at 28 weeks and weighed 13 ounces. It was born visually, born blind. And so, that reality is as he's grown up, he's 33, he'll be 34 this year and there's a perpetual on this with that because, you know, the older he gets their new nuances, not necessarily.

[00:30:42] And the positive. So we were doing things today. I had to get his Mohawk tightened up, cut a little tighter. And he loves a Mohawk haircut, mortifies my mom, but it's a Mohawk and so we're doing different things and even allowing him some freedoms, okay, you're visually impaired, your vision is getting worse, but you can still see. And if you can't see, you're going to tap. If you can't tap, you'll get in touch with me and allowing him that little extension to be able to explore and do things while I'm still doing my self care while he's doing what he did. He did. He came right back and we're taking up new things. So as he's learning new things that he wants to do, I'm exploring that with him and still trying to create some balance so that he doesn't feel overwhelmed that I need so much assistance and I'm a burden and it's really fun.

[00:31:31] And so lately now his big thing is let me bring you coffee. So. So he brings me coffee, sometimes good, sometimes not, but it's still, I get coffee.

[00:31:42] Yeah. To me, that's kind of cool. And I'd like to celebrate that, like today we brought coffee and it was kind of bitter. So I just added a little bit more sugar when I went downstairs, but it was still the thought and that's part of what, you know, see the joy to and then I'll see the, if we have our, we have those moments where you're like counting backwards from a thousand, not 10, you're just kind of like breeze, just walk outside, walk around, you know, things that you have to do, but yeah, really just remaining grateful that you're there remaining grateful that you have this experience.

[00:32:19] And so, and documenting it, I say, right. I tell caregivers all the time. Right. Write your journal journal to see where you're at. And. Trust me, six months later, when you look at that, you're either going to laugh or cry. You're going to see how far you've grown or how far it's gone a different way. But really just writing what you feel and knowing it's okay to have that feeling at that time. So, yeah,

[00:32:43] Rayna Neises: I think we're going to wrap up there because you have so many great nuggets of wisdom, but I think that's one that's really helpful to not everybody feels like they're a writer, but I don't think you ever regret it. And so if you can learn to just put a few words on paper and each day do what you need to do, sometimes you're going to need to dump a whole lot more than other times. Just as long as you give yourself that opportunity to kind of process and get it on paper, I think that can be really valuable.

[00:33:08] Dr. Alyncia Bowen: I agree.

[00:33:09] Rayna Neises: Well, thank you again so much for joining us today. I really appreciated our conversation and just all the fun stories.

[00:33:16] Dr. Alycia Bowen: Thank you. Thank you for having me.

[00:33:19] Rayna Neises: Thank you listeners for joining us today with stories of hope from Alyncia.

[00:33:23] This episode is brought to you by No regrets. Hope for Your Caregiving Season. My story of caring for my aging parents during their journeys with Alzheimer's disease. It's filled with heartwarming stories, practical tips and tools that I used to be able to walk them all the way home without regrets. No Regrets: Hope for Your Caregiving Season is available everywhere that you buy books. I do have a special signed edition with a few special goodies in there and available at noregrets book. com. It's a great gift or for yourself, whoever needs it.

[00:33:55] A Season of Caring Podcast has been created to share stories of hope for living content, loving well, and caring with no regrets for family caregivers.

[00:34:03] If you have legal, financial, or medical questions, be sure to consult your local professionals and take heart in your season of caring.