Do you find yourself struggling with the complex dynamics of caregiving? Meet Lil Glamben, someone who knows firsthand how caregiving can change and strain a relationship. Lil faced numerous challenges while caring for her mother and stepfather during her own menopause journey. Despite facing challenges, she approached them with unwavering faith, which led her to not only overcome them, but also experience profound personal growth and uncover unforeseen paths to healing.
Lil talks openly about caregiving and highlights the important but sometimes unnoticed parts of this challenging task. She emphasizes the importance of respecting her mother's wishes, even if it meant being less involved than she had planned. By doing so, she was able to provide the support her stepfather needed and then care for him, which led to a profound journey of healing. Lil’s story reminds us of the importance of finding help during tough times. It offers inspiration for others going through similar situations.
As our conversation comes to an end, we delve into the significance of nurturing oneself, embracing joy, and creating meaningful daily rituals throughout the menopausal journey. Lil explains how understanding multitasking and serving others can bring about positive changes, leading to more happiness and fulfillment. This episode is a must-listen for anyone seeking inspiration during their midlife caregiving season.
Do you find yourself struggling with the complex dynamics of caregiving? Meet Lil Glamben, someone who knows firsthand how caregiving can change and strain a relationship. Lil faced numerous challenges while caring for her mother and stepfather during her own menopause journey. Despite facing challenges, she approached them with unwavering faith, which led her to not only overcome them, but also experience profound personal growth and uncover unforeseen paths to healing.
Lil talks openly about caregiving and highlights the important but sometimes unnoticed parts of this challenging task. She emphasizes the importance of respecting her mother's wishes, even if it meant being less involved than she had planned. By doing so, she was able to provide the support her stepfather needed and then care for him, which led to a profound journey of healing. Lil’s story reminds us of the importance of finding help during tough times. It offers inspiration for others going through similar situations.
As our conversation comes to an end, we delve into the significance of nurturing oneself, embracing joy, and creating meaningful daily rituals throughout the menopausal journey. Lil explains how understanding multitasking and serving others can bring about positive changes, leading to more happiness and fulfillment. This episode is a must-listen for anyone seeking inspiration during their midlife caregiving season.
00:00:00] Rayna Neises: Welcome. This is Rayna Neises, your host, and I'm glad that you're here to join us for A Season of Caring Podcast where we share stories of hope for family caregivers, breaking through the loneliness and busyness of life to see God even in the middle of this season. Today, I'm excited to introduce you to our guest, Lil Glamben. Lil , is on a mission to transform beliefs, experiences, and options around menopause and aging. So women can connect with and fulfill their soul's deepest desires, dreams, and destinies during this midlife and beyond.
[00:00:38] Lil's launched Turn On Your Menopausal Superpowers, a transformational coaching program, which features seven secrets to turn on seven superpowers in seven weeks. Her method derives from over 30 years in behavioral counseling, academia, philanthropy, women's empowerment, personal and spiritual development and caregiving. She's officially menopause 10 plus years ago and loves it.
[00:01:04] Lil, I'm so glad to have you here today. Thank you for joining us.
[00:01:08] Lil Glamben: Thank you so much for having me. I just feel very very, very destined about having met you at that author's fair. Was it last Yeah.
[00:01:17] Rayna Neises: Yeah.
[00:01:18] We had an opportunity to connect, Lil's in Wichita here in Kansas, where I am. And so I was up at the library selling No Regrets and had an opportunity to connect with her and immediately connected around caregiving and then was learning more about what all she's doing. So I'm excited to share a peek into all the excitement that she's been enjoying so tell us a little bit about your caregiving season because I know you had a couple of different people that you cared for and it definitely impacted kind of where you are today.
[00:01:47] Lil Glamben: Yeah. Thank you. So I'm 61 years old now, right? And and it started for me when I turned 50, right? So 11 years ago. And it started with my mother. I. And that's who I was focused on at the beginning, only my mother. And it soon became clear that it was a package deal with my stepfather, her husband, who had been her primary caregiver and was much younger than she was.
[00:02:12] But as you well know, the percentage of caregivers that end up passing away before their loved one is like, it's, it's astonishing, right? So but I wasn't aware of that at the time, but it started with my mom and and then it included my, my stepfather.
[00:02:27] And so she she passed away in 2019. Yeah, because it started in 2012 and then she passed away in 2019, and then the focus shifted to him because. Again, even though he was much younger than she was, he just, I mean, he just fell apart. I mean, they had such lovebirds, and then it focused on him for almost two years after that.
[00:02:46] So from 2012 to 20, 21, 9 years. Yeah. Yeah. And so it was two years ago, so,
[00:02:52] Rayna Neises: variety of needs as far as what kinds of things were they needing help with?
[00:02:57] Lil Glamben: So mama had dementia. she had originally been diagnosed with Alzheimer's many before. But then they downgraded it or they, they shifted the diagnosis to dementia 'cause she wasn't having the physical, you know, loss of functioning associated with Alzheimer's.
[00:03:12] And so but she, and she was at home. When I first came in and my first commitment was to help her stay home. Right? And that was true for about three years until actually my stepfather was, he, he just was like, I can't do it anymore. And and so then she shifted to assisted living for Two years and then to a nursing home for almost two years.
[00:03:35] And and so during that time, again, supporting , we, we haven't really gone into the, the, well maybe we'll do a little backstory afterwards. It's like you know I had a difficult relationship with my mom most of my And and the way I had handled that, you know, over the decades was basically living on the other coast,
[00:03:54] Rayna Neises: Yeah, that'll take care of it won't it.
[00:03:57] Lil Glamben: 3000 miles away for 30 years. Right. And and of course therapy and all that kinda stuff and, you know, self-help books and whatever. But when I had received the guidance to try and be a good daughter to her it felt initially like, oh yes, I've done all this work. And so now it's time to have this, you know, this basically fantasy.
[00:04:20] Of a reunion, right? She's gonna be, even with dementia, she's gonna be so glad that I'm here to be this. That was her only child and that wasn't the case, you know? And what became clear, painfully clear ,was that she really wanted my stepfather, right. And and she only wanted so much of me , right?
[00:04:42] And and so it was initially very hurtful. Very painful. But again, prayerfully and, a lot of, you know, again, the whole thing was a, a real spiritual you know, crash course. And just a lot of tests. And at some point when I got over myself in my own pain, it's like, you, you came here, remember the scripture that really inspired this you know, this effort, this, this desire to wanna be a good daughter was when I was over in India.
[00:05:13] Ironically, I was there in a Hindu country when, you know Christians came alive, right? And you know, and Exodus 2012, you know you know, again, the commandment to honor thy father and thy mother, and then Ephesians a six is a two. It came to me like a thunderbolt while I was over there. This, honor thy, father and thy mother so that you may live long. And and prosper. And and so at some point, like if you're really listening to the, to the scripture, if you're listening to the scripture and not your ego's interpretation of the scripture, . If I you know, was honest and sincere. About you know, you know, again, the, the scripture that inspired, right? That by honoring my mother right, it's honoring what she wanted, right? And so I had to do, you know, a little soul searching and, give her what she wanted, right? So then,
[00:06:09] Rayna Neises: I think that's such a good point because I think sometimes we do our own work, but we can't require, we can't change somebody else is doing their work or not.
[00:06:19] Lil Glamben: Right.
[00:06:20] Rayna Neises: And I think sometimes we want it to be easy And we want it to be something we can just step into and, and get the reward for things, ourselves on the back burner or whatever, and it's just not always the case.
[00:06:38] Lil Glamben: No, I had a fantasy, you know, of this. Again, this warm fuzzy . Sort of caregiving opportunity with Mama. And which was a fantasy. Mama had a she was a very clever, witty type and it could be very sharp with her tongue and, and even with dementia that came out. But she, but she let me know, you know, that she really didn't want me there.
[00:07:04] Rayna Neises: Well, the next question I usually ask is about the most surprising parts of caregiving. And so I know one of the things that you had shared with me that was surprising was your stepdad and how that came about.
[00:07:16] Lil Glamben: yeah, I mean, like I said, so I came because of her, right? She was 20 years older. Than, than he was. And so she was 93 years old. He had been caring for her for himself for several years, and he seemed to be doing fine. And during the year I was in India, I was consulting with a women's rights organization over there.
[00:07:36] He did not let me know that he had lost like 80 pounds right? To get to the airport, like returning from India. And it was like, oh my goodness. He was like a little skeleton. And within the first three months of my arrival back in 2012, I had to take him to the emergency room three times, for physical issues. Mama had the dementia, but for the most part, her physicality, she was, she was stronger and in better shape than he was was 20 years older. But all that caregiving and, and so over time he, he was still managing pretty, pretty well. But as time went on you know, he started having me come to his appointments more and more by the time she passed in 2019 within a month or two of her passing. I mean, it was like the wheels came off.
[00:08:33] He had had these chronic conditions and they just all went to emergency level and so then, and in fact they, so she died in August of 2019 and in January he got diagnosed with the need to go on dialysis, which he refused. There was a contact from the oncologist during January that there was something showing up on his x-rays on his tests.
[00:09:03] And by March on in at the time we were in California we were at the oncologist with him getting a stage four cancer diagnosis and went the car, to the announcement of the Covid lockdowns in California that st. Patrick's Day. Then within a month, what was the other diagnosis? That his aortic aneurysm had reached circumference that, you know, required a surgery, but that required him to go on dialysis in order to have it which he refused. He refused to. So, so it, so it, it really, you know, again, this, the, the unexpected development of caring for him. With more intensity,
[00:09:43] Rayna Neises: Yeah.
[00:09:43] Lil Glamben: years younger. But it actually ended up being like everything I had yearned for and long my relationship with my mother was realized in my relationship with my stepfather.
[00:09:57] Rayna Neises: wow.
[00:09:57] Lil Glamben: You know, that, I mean, the closeness, care, the sweetness, the friendship especially again, 'cause when, when covid hit, remember all those images of elderly people behind glass?
[00:10:07] Rayna Neises: Yes. Yes.
[00:10:08] Lil Glamben: Like, that's not happening to you. And even though I lived only a mile down the road from him, I didn't know how severe things were gonna get. So I'm like, I'm moving in with you. And so you know, we ended up being best friends,
[00:10:20] Rayna Neises: That's Amazing.
[00:10:21] Lil Glamben: Right. And and, and, and, and, and, and friends And, and also the word, because there were some things I still, I had hurt feelings about.
[00:10:28] Rayna Neises: Sure.
[00:10:29] Lil Glamben: With Mamma and when they had gotten together and he was just, a saint. He listened. You know, he is like, we didn't realize that that was what was going on with you.
[00:10:38] Rayna Neises: right? Yeah.
[00:10:39] Lil Glamben: fine. You know, we didn't know. He hurt your feelings, you know, and, and I apologize. And it was just like, my goodness. It
[00:10:47] Rayna Neises: So what your heart needed. Yeah.
[00:10:49] Lil Glamben: so the, the, the, I had looked to all of this from my relationship with my mother but isn't it. How God works over and over again. My vision was crooked, right? It was like, I, I wasn't seeing the whole picture and really the, the promise of, the scripture of, so that it may go well with you.
[00:11:10] Again, I, I love the, the, the translation from the Living Bible. If I can just read it, . You know, honor your father and mother. This is the first of God's 10 commandments that ends with a promise. And this is Ephesians six, two and in six three. And this is the promise that if you honor your father and mother, yours will be a long life full of blessing. And really, again, with the fullness of them as a couple, you know, that has, that has been true. And it's it's just the whole thing has been, it's been full of mystery. I, I my biological father died like over 30 years ago. and I wasn't, part of his caregiving.
[00:11:51] My, my stepmother was a nurse and they were a very, very bonded couple. And so I wasn't able to have certain things happen with my, my biological father, but they happened with my stepfather and and just feel like this healing of heart the wounds with my mother.
[00:12:07] It's like, it's not that I don't, I can remember things that happened with. But it's, I'm carrying those wounds. For so many years I carried these wounds with my mother. I anymore. They're they're memories of things that happen. Things happen
[00:12:20] Rayna Neises: Right?
[00:12:21] Lil Glamben: And and, and I would just say that, you know, like I did a lot of inner work, a lot of personal development work, a lot of spiritual work, but it was in the caregiving.
[00:12:30] giving of care, the like, really getting in there and that the healing has really taken place and it really has been a blessing. I, I, again, I don't know what your, what your thoughts are on that, in your own experience or with other, with other guests. It's like, but that has certainly been mine. And even though while it was happening , while I was in the middle of,
[00:12:52] Rayna Neises: I hear that a lot, so listeners, if you're out there and you're in the thick of it and you're like, I don't get any of that, it's because you're in the thick of it and there's so much else that's requiring your time and your space. But I do think it's important to acknowledge that God is working and that's why I really love to be able to talk about that because we have to put the eyes on to see it.
[00:13:13] And part of your story, Lil, is that you were looking for him to work in one way when he was actually already had it planned in another way, . And so I think that willingness to stick in there when mom didn't live up to your ideal situation to stick in there with her, to stay there and take care of her also.
[00:13:34] Kept the door open for you to be there for your stepdad, where the healing did come. So I think that's a beautiful picture to be able to see . Again, maybe if you're not finding that situation in your caregiving to hold on and you don't know what God's doing. So many times we, we have such a Vivid picture of what we think is the right thing. and it hardly ever lines up, does it? so
[00:14:02] Lil Glamben: and if I could just also add. There were times along the way, again, 'cause because she had a sharp tongue, she could say some things that, again, it was amazing for someone with dementia. She could be so sharp and ring. It's like, and and so at some point along the way, again, between different kinds of support groups, learning to be to take care of myself in the process, right?
[00:14:22] And there were times where I had to step away. Like there, there were times where I allowed myself to not visit her. As much at the assisted living, facility. I mean, she was getting great care. We found a place that was really, really good and, and, and so, so I stepped back so that I wasn't martyred.
[00:14:38] I wasn't playing the martyr. I wasn't being resentful and burnt out. She wasn't being neglected. She was getting great care. So that by the time, I did all the planning of her of her ceremony right, of her memorial and to, to be sincere, about the things I could say.
[00:14:54] About her, you know, that we're, she, she was an amazing human being. It wasn't easy be daughter, but she was an amazing ahead of her time woman. It was like having a movie star for a mother, right. I was so glad that I could, that I had granted myself that, and that after she passed, there was very little of that oh, I, this is all I did for her. I did so much. It was like, really? It was, if there's, any kind of recommendation, it's like really finding that balance as a caregiver. So that the self-care, being able to be honest you know, and I know sometimes caregivers really don't have that luxury.
[00:15:27] They may feel like it's, everything's on them. They're the only one. And I would say you don't have the luxury to not do it. You know, it's like, again, I, I mean, how many caregivers though I know who put themselves in that situation? And they end up getting hurt. They end up getting sick. You have to do it prayerfully, but you have to make time for yourself. It's, it's a, it's a form of humility, you can't be all things to, you know, all the time, 24 7. You need downtime. You need to be able to get away. You need, you just have to, you have to, and, and allow others to help you, allow others to help.
[00:16:00] Rayna Neises: and there's a couple of different things there that I wanted to highlight. Number one, it was a difficult relationship meant and she made it really clear that you were not to be the hands-on person. And I think sometimes caregivers that are caring from a distance, whether it be long distance or like you said, in having their loved one in a assisted living or somebody else's doing a lot of the physical care it doesn't mean you're not caregiving.
[00:16:24] So it's important to acknowledge that you are caregiving. It just means that you've built the team, whatever your team needed to look like, you've built what that team looks like. And so sometimes it's not wise. And I would say it's typically not wise if you have a difficult relationship with the person you're caring for, for you to be the 24/ 7 person.
[00:16:43] You know, I don't recommend 24/ 7 for anybody really. I think you've gotta have other people that are coming in and, and giving you time away. But definitely when that relationship's hard, that's one of the things that you have to do. And then of course, the self-care piece, no matter. If the relationship's great or not, you shouldn't be the only one.
[00:17:01] You should be a part of a team where you're all working together and you're paying attention to what your needs are, and they will be different from time to time, but we all have needs and they're not just wants their needs. And so realizing what the needs are for yourself and you're taking care of your own physical situation is so important as well as emotional because it is a very emotional job as well.
[00:17:27] Lil Glamben: And my challenge to your audience, because again, those who are Christians, it's like if you are a part of any kind of congregation or any kind of, you know, membership, people usually ask if there's something that they can do. Again, but if you're anything like me, , no, no,
[00:17:47] Rayna Neises: You are.
[00:17:48] Lil Glamben: you're fine. You know, knock it off,
[00:17:52] Rayna Neises: Yeah, and I think this, in this day and age, there are so many things we can ask people to help with that are not huge things, but make such a difference. Picking up meds at at the grocery store or going to the grocery, I mean, there's just coming and sitting and just visiting. Playing cards, I don't know, whatever the person wants to do, but just having a few minutes for you to go and get your hair done or, some of those simple things that we have a tendency to neglect because we always say, oh no, we're fine. great points. Yeah. Yeah.
[00:18:28] All right. So we've talked about a little bit, what would be, share a story with us about when God showed up for you and your caregiving in a special way.
[00:18:36] Lil Glamben: Oh, which one? Which one to share. I'll start with Mama. Early on, within the first six months of, because when I first came back from India, I, I was living with them. And that's she announced it's, I don't want you here, I was so hurt.
[00:18:55] Rayna Neises: Hmm, I can imagine.
[00:18:56] Lil Glamben: so hurt. I mean, I was like, like stabbed, like I was physically hurt. And some other things happened, but I just, like out of respect for her, it's like, you know, like, well, because I was, I was working full time but on the weekends I felt a need to give her some space. Right. And there was, I won't go into all of the details of it 'cause the details are really interesting in terms of how I found this festival, this whole peace festival that was happening. I was in Sacramento, California at the time. And I, 'cause, I, 'cause I, I, I Went someplace and where the address on the booklet was wrong. I went to the, like this other place and that's where the little postcard was for this festival, right? And I'm like, huh, I haven't seen anything but this. I picked up the postcard and again, I'm trying to find things to do. So that I'm not home upsetting her. So I go to this festival and I go to the first day and I connect with one of the presenters, and they're like, you really need to back next day. I'm like, well, was just gonna kind of, no, you really need to be here. You really need to be a spiritual peace festival. And so come back the next day and long story short, that's where I met my husband.
[00:20:06] Rayna Neises: Oh wow.
[00:20:07] Lil Glamben: And if it wasn't for my mother hurting my feelings,
[00:20:12] Mm-hmm. , that's.
[00:20:14] right. It's like, and me looking for someplace to go. He had driven in like from 75 miles away, you know, just to come to this, you know, to speak at this festival. And and there's no other way I would've met him, you know? So and here we are. You know, we just, this Saturday was the 11th anniversary of that day that we met on.
[00:20:35] Rayna Neises: Wow.
[00:20:36] Lil Glamben: And so, yeah, so, so God shows up, when we have this kind of fairy tale kind of prosperity, you know, kind of interpretation of being, a good Christian, or it's like, like where do we get that from?
[00:20:48] I'm like, Hmm, where'd most of the prophets stoned or something. It's like, so this idea that if we meet with hardship, That somehow, you know, that we're doing something wrong. I, I don't know where get that from. And I know in my case, over and over again you know, not to, do a strange praising of, of, of, of hardship and, and, and difficulty. But each case, you know, my spiritual growth and my development and my ability to be of spiritual value to others, has been through going through something again, like no
[00:21:19] test. No test, no testimony, no mess, no message. And so a, a different story again, and I, I won't go into the details of it, but again the covid, lockdown, I mean, we all, you know, know what that was like, but that brought. Me to my stepfather and so many healing moments with him. He was just, it was just, it was just sweet. He was my best friend. And know, and became, so during that time and and just so many sweet memories, you know, and yeah, and could not have, could not have seen that coming. Certainly would not have, wanted that to happen.
[00:21:52] Rayna Neises: Yes,
[00:21:52] Lil Glamben: Who would ask for a, you know, a pandemic but.
[00:21:55] Rayna Neises: We didn't even know what that was until,
[00:21:58] Lil Glamben: But, but it's that experience that I had the experience with him and from that experience with him, I've been blessed in so many ways. I'll tell you another one that was that I had one of those perpetual calendars, you you know, like the little tent, right?
[00:22:12] And the day, well, oh, before he died probably about within about six months, he was getting really weak. And, and he was like, I don't wanna be a burden to you. I don't wanna be a burden to you. And I'm like, you , you are not a burden. First of all, you're my best friend, right? And when you go, I'm gonna be alone. I'm be, I'm single. I don't have children, you're my family. So I said that, so, so knock it off. You are not a burden, you know, and you know, it's like, but the day he died was July 5th on my perpetual calendar. The message was, you are not alone.
[00:22:54] Rayna Neises: Oh wow.
[00:22:55] Lil Glamben: I didn't know where I was gonna live next. And and I just prayed. I kept getting triggered and, and about the whole process because without going on the details, like just looking for place, I mean, Sacramento, the, the housing market was blowing up and expense. Oh my goodness. And and again, I kept praying and it was finally, God just show off. Because I, and I got led to kinda like a community . I was the baby in the community, but like this large estate with this wonderful community of people. And I go, well, I'm not alone. I got connected with, again, my husband. I mean, we've been married since I came to Kansas. We reconnected during that time.
[00:23:37] Rayna Neises: Oh wow.
[00:23:38] Lil Glamben: So this whole thing of, you know, you just, you know, I gave myself to caregiving, right? myself to caregiving, having no idea what the future held in terms of, you know, relationships where I was gonna live, and just gave myself to it. But then I've been blessed over and over again, you know, since, since the you know, so,
[00:23:59] Rayna Neises: That's amazing. Well, we are getting closer to winding down. I have one more question. So I like to ask this question, but again, you can choose a part. What would you say helps you to live content, love well, and care without regrets.
[00:24:15] Lil Glamben: Well, I, well for me, the podcast wouldn't be complete if I didn't say something about menopause. You know, because coincidentally, right, coincidentally, so many women caregivers are in that season of life, right? It's like at a time when, 'cause really starting like pre menopause . Starts sometimes as early as late thirties, mid to late thirties. And so here we are at a time when we really do need self-care to menopause well, right?
[00:24:43] We need some level of self-care. Where there we are depending upon, how in the trenches we are of caregiving, giving all of our energies. Right there. And if we have a job, we're divided. And of course, the risk of burnout is just tremendous. I mean, really crashing and burning. A lot of women go through that and really are unaware of, of all that's happening. They don't even know what the symptoms are. They don't know what the needs are.
[00:25:08] And so you know, again, as part of turning menopausal superpowers, starting with the mind, protecting my inner peace and my serenity is a top priority. And making choices from that place. And then having daily habits, daily rituals. I start my morning with spiritual readings, you know, Bible and my daily readers. Centering again, I pray even before that with my husband.
[00:25:29] So my day gets started, right with anchoring in. A spiritual routine and just a foundation for keeping my priorities straight as much as possible. One of the other things I get talk about in, alternative menopausal superpowers is the importance of joy. At this stage of life, we need joy as much as possible, especially as our responsibilities increase, during this time of life. Again, so many of us, you know, coincidentally as we're caregiving, we're getting promoted at work or we're taking on ownership of businesses and all these various things that we need joy.
[00:26:02] To balance all of that and we need to be getting more in tune with our bodies. It's like, I think one of the ways that I've made sense of the menopausal transition is, before menopause I was a human doing , you know, just busy, busy, busy compulsively doing right? And between menopause and these other, the caregiving, it's like you either learn to slow down or you'll be taught to slow
[00:26:28] Rayna Neises: Mm-hmm.
[00:26:29] Lil Glamben: and to give from my being, right. More, being less doing so that I'm giving radiance, giving inspiration, right? I'm giving, you know, I'm giving encouragement. I'm giving empowerment from my being. Less running around. And that is definitely in between menopause and caregiving. Those have been transformations in my life.
[00:26:53] Up until my forties, I used to brag about, my attempts to multitask and all that kinds of, I don't brag about that anymore. I don't think many people do it well. So that, again, I really do try to give my attention as much as I can, you know, to one thing at a time. Of course, you know, life is complicated. I think having made some of these choices that , here I am again, I'm 61 and I feel like I, I really have been becoming my best self , and living my best life, with wisdom, greater compassion and empathy . If I've gone through anything, that the time might've seemed like a trial, if I have the eyes to see it, that it is part of my, well, of resource to be able to be a service.
[00:27:35] Another transformation is that in my youth, I used to help. I used to be a helper, which is different than service.
[00:27:44] Rayna Neises: Mm.
[00:27:45] Lil Glamben: Right? so been learning to be of service. Right. Helping is where you're either, you know, helping people do for themselves what they can do for themselves. And you have opinions about what they should be doing and you're overdoing, you're overgiving all these things. And with service, right? It's like, it's really, it's giving from our being, you know, giving from our love. I had one of those, you know, humbling moments was when I realized how much of my helping was motivated by, there's something wrong.
[00:28:15] Right. That seems like what's the big deal? What's, you know, what's the problem with that? Well, to be the recipient, to be on the receiving end of helping where you're basically a problem. That is not empowering, that is not loving. To be giving of service, and like, and being more right sized about it. I sometimes I use the analogy of like, you know, being of service is like being at a buffet and you're one of the helpers, right? You may be serving, you know, the potatoes or the meat or whatever, but you're not serving everything. You're right sized . The other person is going through the line, right? They're getting their plate full, but you're just doing one part of it. As opposed to like, and I don't mean to say this in a way that I hopefully hurt anyone's feelings when I, when I look back, when I was helping, I was playing God, Trying to be God instead of being an instrument.
[00:29:10] Rayna Neises: Mm-hmm.
[00:29:11] Lil Glamben: Right. You know, trying to control things, trying to make things, of course, wearing myself out, trying to have things, turn out the way I thought they should come out. And it's exhausting, as opposed to surrendering, you know, letting go and receiving guidance, right? And so that's just a, a lot more of that happens and there's a a lot more delightful surprises, right? Including other people showing up and, you know, being of service. And so it's just, you know, but I'm, but I'm learning. I'm, I'm, I haven't, I haven't arrived at the destination
[00:29:45] Rayna Neises: no . I think that even in that description of our caregiving season can be really helpful too, to realize, when we're trying to finagle it all, trying to control it all, trying to be responsible for it all. We end up with burnout, we end up not successful. But when we are just one of many that are offering that support and service, it makes a big difference. So I love that picture. That's great.
[00:30:09] Lil Glamben: I wanna share another caregiving experience that doesn't involve my parents to show that you just don't know how God works. So I was barely 30. And I was in my congregation back then and there was an older woman. I was friendly with her, we liked each other, but I didn't know her. And it was announced suddenly in the congregation that she had been diagnosed stage four breast cancer. I was like, oh, well let me go by and see her. Her name was Rosemary. And I didn't know her well, but I came with flowers and while I was there and, and I'm young, she needed to get to her you know, her little latrine, her little toilet, and I first, I mean, I'm being standoffish.
[00:30:50] She's like, help me. And I her. And next thing I'm with her as she's using the facility. Right. And I didn't know. And all I can tell you is from that moment on, we were bonded in this way. And and she, it's almost like she chose me. God chose me because she had four children, two were addicts and, alcoholics she didn't want them around the house 'cause they would steal from her. Her eldest daughter was still angry with her, like, like deeply bitter because molested by Rosemary's ex-husband. This is, you know, back before we knew about, you know, abuse. And so she was still angry. For having had that experience and the one son who was okay, he was so busy with two different jobs and four children, he was unavailable.
[00:31:40] So it was like, so it's almost like God plucked me down. Right. I was able to be there for her. And I mean the stories, I could tell you me, 'cause she, 'cause like when I, I needed to like go away, I said, Rosemary didn't plan for this. I have to go away for a week. And she went into a coma. During came back and I'm like, I'm, I'm by by her bed praying. And I was like, Rosemary, I'm back and you can go if you want to, but if you wanna come back, here. And and I just was praying, you know, I was just reading the Bible to her and at some point she wakes up, what, what , you know, again, I'll stop there, but the point being that, you know, God did not forget Rosemary. What, like a hopeless situation
[00:32:28] Rayna Neises: Yeah.
[00:32:28] Lil Glamben: God plucked this acquaintance right. And was there for her to give her comfort. So she did not have to die alone. She didn't have to die, be like a burden. So just, you know, again, the encouragement for us to be right sized to be receptive to how God can use us
[00:32:46] Rayna Neises: That's beautiful. That's amazing. Yeah. He's so faithful and it, it always is not how we expect , which just comes out of nowhere. So, , well little tell the audience how they can stay in touch with you. Learn more about your Menopausal Superpowers. Let us know how to do hat.
[00:33:04] Lil Glamben: So Turn On Your Menopausal Superpowers again. So it's seven superpowers and seven secrets to turn them on in seven weeks. The system shows a woman how to leverage menopausal changes in order to fulfill her soul's deepest desires, dreams, destiny, with joy, ease and power so that she can be her best self and live her best life during menopause and after menopause for the rest of her life. And so you can go to www.calllil.com and sign up for a free 45 minute VIP consultation. Would love to have this time with you. My website is long it's menopausal superpowers. Dot com and and you can find me there as lil@menopausalsuperpowers.com. So thank you.
[00:34:02] Rayna Neises: Thank you so much for joining us today. I really appreciate it.
[00:34:05] Lil Glamben: Oh, Rayna, thank you so much. Thank you for what you're doing and the creating this platform for this very special opportunity for, for us to be of service to our loved ones. Thank
[00:34:15] Rayna Neises: Thank you.
[00:34:16] Thank you. so much. So, and thank you for joining us today with Stories of Hope with Lil. This episode has been brought to you by, No Regrets. Hope for Your Caregiving Season. My story of caring for my parents during their journeys with Alzheimer's disease. It's filled with heartwarming stories and practical tips and ways to take care of you so that you can bury them with no regrets as well.
[00:34:37] No regrets. Hope for Your caregiving Season is available everywhere. You can get a special signed edition at my website at www.Noregrets-book.com. It's a great gift or definitely a tool for yourself.
[00:34:49] If you would like to sponsor an episode, reach out to me at Rayna@ASeasonofCaring.com A Season of Caring Podcast has been created to share stories of hope for living content, loving, well, and caring without regrets. If you have legal, financial, or medical questions, be sure to consult your local professionals and take heart in your season of caring.