Love's Last Healing Chapters: Stories of Hope with Susie Lewis

What happens when caregiving forces you to confront your most painful memories? For Susie Lewis, caring for her parents became an unexpected journey toward freedom and healing.

Susie shares the contrasting experiences of caring for her mother with terminal cancer for 30 days in her mother's home, and later having her father live with her and her husband for four and a half years. While these seasons brought their unique challenges, they also offered profound gifts of restoration and growth.

The conversation takes a powerful turn as Susie reveals how caring for her father—who had inflicted "almost every form of abuse" during her childhood—triggered past trauma but ultimately led to deeper healing. When a physical therapist's simple statement about her father not being able to be left alone triggered feelings of being trapped, Susie found herself having a breakdown. This crisis opened the door to Christian counseling and addressing wounds she'd carried for decades.

Through beautiful anecdotes—like learning to crochet with her dying mother and laughing together when her mother became tangled in pools of yellow yarn—Susie illustrates how caregiving's difficulties are often intertwined with its most precious gifts. That final crocheted basket remains one of her most treasured possessions, and the skill has allowed her to create baby blankets for all fourteen of her grandchildren.

For those currently walking the caregiving path, Susie offers wisdom earned through experience: write down memories you think you'll never forget, and prioritize simple forms of self-care. "If you do not take care of yourself, you cannot take care of your loved one," she emphasizes, suggesting that even ten minutes outside walking and praying can provide essential renewal.

Listen now to discover how staying the course through caregiving's challenges can lead to unexpected freedom, healing, and the fulfillment of honoring parents in profound ways. Susie's story reminds us that God weaves relationships into our lives precisely when we need them—often before we even know we'll need them.

Chapters

• 7:02 Caregiving Different Family Members
• 12:04 The Crocheting Memory
• 17:26 When God Shows Up During Caregiving
• 21:45 Staying the Course with Regrets
• 24:12 Physical and Emotional Toll of Caregiving
• 25:42 Key Advice for New Caregivers

Transcript

Rayna Neises: [00:00:00] Hi, this is Rayna Neises, your host of A Season of Caring Podcast, where we share stories of hope with family caregivers pushing past the busyness and loneliness of caregiving to see God even in this season. Today, I'm excited to introduce you to our guest, Susie Lewis. Susie met Jesus when she was 12, but He set her free again when she was 33. She knows what it's like to ask yourself. Why did I do that? Again? Using God's word liberally in her speaking and writing. Susie inspires and educates women to break free from the bondage of the past and S.O.A.R. into victory with Jesus today. Her recently released book, The Great Trade: Exchanging Fear, Shame, and Guilt for Freedom is a journey with Jesus at the center. Susie doesn't just offer you hope. She walks you right up to the throne room of grace and reminds you, you don't have to stay stuck. You can trade it all in for freedom.

Welcome, Susie. I'm so glad to have you

Susie Lewis: Thank you, Rayna. 

Rayna Neises: So start off by just sharing a little bit [00:01:00] about what your caregiving season looked like.

Susie Lewis: Well, it's been quite a minute since I was in that season. My mother passed away in 2003 and my father, has been gone for about six, seven years now. I don't even know the exact date. so it's been a while. but I did care for my mother, in her home for the last 30 days of her life. she was diagnosed with, lung cancer that had metastasized to her brain and, she wanted to be at home.

She did not wanna be in a facility, and so I moved in with her for a month and took care of her. And it's quite a different story with my dad though. my father, who was quite a bit older than my mom, 11 years older than my mom, he outlived her, by quite a few years. But my dad never learned to read or write.

And so, we cared for him while he was in his home. And then when he could no longer live by [00:02:00] himself, he moved in and lived with my husband and I in our home. For four and a half years.

Rayna Neises: Wow. I love that your story shares some different sides of caregiving because no season looks the same, and even within each season there are different needs, like you said, being that caregiver that goes and just helps out in their house is totally different than having them live under your roof. So lots of great experiences, I'm sure for you to share with us today. Start off by just sharing a favorite story.

Susie Lewis: Okay. I have a story about my mom that still just, makes me smile, makes me cry. My mom always wanted me to learn to crochet, but I I was more of a sports kid. I wanted to be outside playing ball. So sitting down to crochet was not my idea of fun. but in that last month with my mom.

I learned to crochet. I bought a book that said I taught myself to crochet and I did [00:03:00] it right there on her couch and she was so proud of me and, she was really into crocheting these baskets. And, one day I, I was actually taking my college courses still. I was a late starter in college. but I remember watching my mom, I was holding my textbook up in front of my face and I could peek at her over the top of my book and she was crocheting on her, her basket 

she was advanced in her stage of cancer and the metastasis to the brain.she was trying to pull her yarn through. I watched her pull the yarn through, repeatedly, pull the yarn through, and finally I said, mom, do you need some help? And she stopped and she looked down at herself and she was literally in a pool of yellow yarn.

It was all over her, all over the place. And she just looked at me and started [00:04:00] laughing and we just had the best laugh, at my mom swimming in her yarn. I will say she finished that basket. It wasn't quite finished the way she would have been able to do sooner. but I still have that basket today and it's a treasure for me to have that last, project that she did.

Rayna Neises: I love that. That's such a beautiful memory, especially with the background of knowing that you kind of put her off when you were younger and didn't enjoy that with her at that time, but it really brought you together in such a special way at the end. It also reminds me of a great memoryMy mom taught me to crochet. And those of you that have listened regularly know that I was just 16 when my mom was diagnosed. And so I think I was probably 11 or 12 we all made our little Granny circles and we made multiple akins to sit around with in the winter in Missouri, in the cold and snuggle up with. I saved those [00:05:00] Afghans and I have them and they're like bright orange and brown and you know, just the popular colors from the eighties. And so that's some great memories. I love that. It's amazing how just finding those common hobbies can really be 

Susie Lewis: Yes.

Yeah,

Rayna Neises: Sometimes we forget to look for those common things, but we have so many great memories from that, being able to come

Susie Lewis: definitely.

Rayna Neises: and I've not crocheted a basket before, so I'll have to

Susie Lewis: Well, I will say I have stuck with crocheting and I have been able to crochet a baby blanket for all of my grandchildren, and there's a lot of 'em. we have 14 grands and another one on the way. So I just started, another blanket last night. So, and I do think, my mom would be proud of me.

Rayna Neises: Yeah. I love that. Thanks so much for

Susie Lewis: Yeah.

Rayna Neises: with us about her. I can just imagine what it was like to see all the yarn and, probably not be sure what she was

[00:06:00] doing. Like

Susie Lewis: I wasn't sure what her reaction would be. Because she knew that she was declining, so I wasn't sure when I said, mom, do you need some help? If it might be tears, it might be anger. But thank the Lord we had such a good laugh together.

Rayna Neises: Yeah,

what 

Susie Lewis: Yeah.

Rayna Neises: And I think that's so true when we're trying to help with those that we're caring for of sometimes how timid we can 

Susie Lewis: Hmm.

Rayna Neises: with what to say and how to say itand how to navigate around that. And it's something that's worth really thinking before we speak so that we can walk into it with grace and hopefully get the reaction that we're looking for.

that's right. no guarantees, that's for sure.

So what would be one thing that surprised you most about caregiving?

Susie Lewis: I would probably say there were a couple of things and, I was younger, I was very, very healthy. [00:07:00] But I will say I was very surprised at the toll, the physical toll that it took on. me to take care of my mother. Obviously , the emotional toll is tremendous to watch your loved one decline day by day, um, but to physically help her out of her chair. Every time she to go to the restroom until, you know, that last week when then it became me, uh, changing her. the humbleness that came into play, but especially the physical, toll of the stress as well, 

Rayna Neises: Mm-hmm.

Susie Lewis: uh, I lost weight. That's how, and I didn't realize what stress I was under until the month was over.

And I went back to my house and realized. What I had just been through. and the other thing I was very surprised at was the resentment of other members of my family. Because I was able to be there with my mom and take care of [00:08:00] her, there was some resentment. a statement was made, by one of my family members who was at the doctor's office with me one month before my mom died. And then this family member showed up one week before mom died. 'cause she lives out of state. She and I understood that she had to work. She could not be there. So she didn't see the daily decline like I did. She saw from one month and three weeks passed and the statement was, mom wasn't like this when I left. And there was quite a bit of, pain. She was living in pain and probably regret that she couldn't be there. But you know that saying hurting people, hurt people and they really do.

Rayna Neises: yeah.

Susie Lewis: so there was quite a bit of resentment that really surprised me. but I was blessed that I was able to be there, to take care of my mom.

I think that brings out something that comes to mind is sometimes the communication can be really challenging, [00:09:00] especially when I talk to those that I'm coaching that have siblings and the siblings don't seem to be interested. Or they don't step up when you ask 

Yeah. 

Rayna Neises: And I hear a lot, well, they just, they never respond or they never know.

And I always encourage to invite them to

Susie Lewis: Yeah.

Rayna Neises: and not have an expectation, but just say, gonna be gone, or I need to go to this. Could you come and stay? You know, those invitations. But I do think it's important in the decline for me, I lived 220 miles from my dad. And so I would, before he got to the point that he needed 24 hour care from my sister and I, I would go up once a month and spend the weekend with him, So I was seeing that decline. But there's times that, like you said, family members live a long way away and they only come for holidays and they just don't see that decline. And so it's surprising to them that, oh my gosh, I knew such and [00:10:00] such was happening, but I had no idea

Susie Lewis: Yeah.

Rayna Neises: gonna 

Susie Lewis: Yeah.

Rayna Neises: And sometimes just being able to make sure that they stay in contact can be helpful in that. it doesn't surprise me because it is shocking when we watch our loved one, we, I say when we walk them all

the 

Susie Lewis: Yeah.

Rayna Neises: you know, my, both my mom and dad was a process. My mom was six weeks, my dad was probably four of just getting to that point.

You knew because obviously had metastasized, but many times you don't even know you're walking them to the end.

Susie Lewis: Right. 

No,

Rayna Neises: None of us know when the actual end 

Susie Lewis: right.

Rayna Neises: and so you know, you're walking with them, but you don't know how long the walk will be. 

Susie Lewis: That is so true with my father. we thought So many times. This is it. He had A-C-O-P-D, congestive heart failure, kidney failure. The fact he lived as long as he did is, is amazing because he was, really so bad, did not take good care of his body. and my dad was an alcoholic, during my younger years.

He quit drinking [00:11:00] on August the third of 1980. Maybe that's how he was able to survive as long as he did. But I cannot even tell you how many trips to the hospital and rehab, and we just knew it was the last time. 

Rayna Neises: Yeah. 

Susie Lewis: I will say when the last time came, it was a shock. I I just did not believe it because every time before he had come home with us, 

Rayna Neises: I think that's one of the hardest things that it's like 

Susie Lewis: it is,

Rayna Neises: What do you mean? You know, it is like both of my parents had such a long journey with Alzheimer's that 14 years and then you're just surprised that

Susie Lewis: Yeah,

Rayna Neises: it's

Susie Lewis: yeah,

Rayna Neises: it sounds crazy.

Susie Lewis: yeah. I was,

Rayna Neises: most

Susie Lewis: I was so surprised.

Rayna Neises: most

Susie Lewis: I just really didn't even like, comprehend what the physician said that when my, he said, your father is in kidney failure. I said, okay, what are we gonna do?

Rayna Neises: Right now, what's the plan? How are we

Susie Lewis: Yeah.

Rayna Neises: Yeah.

Susie Lewis: Yeah.

Rayna Neises: Yeah.So, I know there are so many stories. Every time I ask this question people are like, oh my gosh. Share with us one time, when God really [00:12:00] showed up for you and your caregiving.

Susie Lewis: So caring for my father was probably some of the hardest years because. of the traumatic childhood. I can tell you that I suffered almost every form of abuse at the hands of my father. And so when the time came for him to move into our house, I was so honored and excited that we would be able to do this for him.

My husband was just so good and welcomed him. We built, made a special room for him and our house. He had his own room. but boy, I tell you, some things happened that, were triggers. I didn't know that that's what it was. And,fact, one time, the day that the physical therapist came to visit after 21 days in the rehab facility, the physical therapist did a home visit. And he said, now your father cannot be left alone. And what I heard was you are trapped, [00:13:00] you cannot 

Rayna Neises: Hmm. 

Susie Lewis: go anywhere . And I had a mental breakdown that day and three of my family members said, Hmm, you need to get some help. You need to talk to someone. And I will say that began my first, round of, Christian counseling. because I didn't know what was wrong with me.

But what happened was that triggered times in my life where I had been physically trapped by my father against my will. But through all of those triggers, through all of those meltdowns trying to figure out what is wrong with me, God brought into my life this Christian counselor, she actually endorsed my book for me.

So she's seen me walk this walk and it's just so amazing how God works. I'll just tell you, I'm a Southern Baptist preacher's wife, but at one time I was also a Zumba instructor. So I don't know how that fits together, but it happened and, this woman Karen, showed up at my 5:00 AM Zumba class one day and she [00:14:00] said, I just wanna see what other kind of people are out at 5:00 AM dancin' and come to find out.

Karen is a licensed Christian counselor, and, she came to my class, every time we had it. And then when things began triggering, I was able to call her that day that, the three family members said, you need help. And she was able to walk me through and to understand, why I was acting the way I was acting it. It was triggers from a childhood trauma, and I just believe God put that woman in my path to help me find healing through this very trying time in my life.

Rayna Neises: One of the things that I think is most amazing about God is how he weaves us all

together and that we would never have dreamed that we were ever gonna need what he's putting in our path at the time that they come into our lives.But those [00:15:00] relationships are already there, and those doors are open for us to walk through in just the right time. And so it's so amazing to me how He does that, and I, I'm just so thankful that He does that because sometimes would be too stubborn to do it. If you

Susie Lewis: Oh.

Rayna Neises: known her, how much harder would it have been to find someone to make the phone call, to even start to work on what God wanted to heal in your life. 

Susie Lewis: Absolutely. even before I called her, she had approached us, to see about using a room in our church on. one or two days a week where she could counsel people. And I had referred multiple people to her and there she was, she was not a member of our church. She just used a room in our church for counseling.

And it was just the perfect setup for me to be able to get help right when I needed it. and like you said, to have to go look through the directory and, Filter through [00:16:00] and find the right counselor. I cannot tell you how many people I've talked to have said I just can't find the right counselor. My first shot was Karen,

Rayna Neises: it's

Susie Lewis: and I know God put Karen in my path, to help me through those years. And then I did end up having to, go see her for another round, dealing with, my brother, my younger brother, and some issues we had there. So.

Rayna Neises: Yeah. Well, and the other thing that I appreciate too, and just being able to share your story with listeners is that caregiving opened those doors that you didn't even know you needed to have opened in order to find freedom, that things that have been locked away and closed and you just had moved past. Right? So many times that's what we do with our wounds, especially when we're young. We don't know what else to do with them. And so we just kind lock 'em away and just walk by the

Susie Lewis: That is right. Yes.

Rayna Neises: You 

caregiving opened those things [00:17:00] up and as hard as that was, as painful as it was, it still was such a blessing to restore a relationship with your dad that you probably had never had before. Never dreamed you would have in, in serving him in that way. But then also to move beyond even that time of caring for him and move into a season now where you're offering hope and freedom and helping other people to walk out what you've walked out. 

Susie Lewis: I definitely believe that that time with my dad, is a testimony of God's healing in my life. I had already begun my healing journey when I was 33. my pastor's wife, Debbie, she saw some things going on in me and she recognized some dysfunction and she, led me through a study called Making Peace with Your Past, and I share about that in my book, but that was my first inkling of dysfunction that, that I, I had inherited and was taking out on my [00:18:00] children. And so she began my journey. But like you said, Rayna, with my dad living in the house, it dug deeper. it took me to a whole new level of healing, that I needed to go through.

Yeah.

Rayna Neises: We say it all the time I wouldn't choose it. But it is what God chose and it's because he knows what we need and he is faithful. So I think that's probably one of the biggest summaries of caregiving is that we wouldn't choose this 

Susie Lewis: No.

Rayna Neises: it is what he has for us and he has so much for us 

Susie Lewis: Yes,

Rayna Neises: I'm 

Susie Lewis: yes.

Rayna Neises: that we have opportunity to share that and encourage others, So what would be one thing that you do to live content? Love well, and care without regrets.

Susie Lewis: Well, I do have regrets. we all have regrets, but I, I have regrets for the pre-care time. I wished I had been a better daughter to my parents. Sometimes I wish I could get a redo, of even the caring time. Maybe I would [00:19:00] have been more patient, especially with my dad. but, I stayed and I think that's a big thing. I stayed the course and I

Rayna Neises: Mm-hmm.

Susie Lewis: was,I honored my parents. Like the scripture says, honor your mother and your father. And I believe that the caregiving that I provided for my parents. even in the hard days and even in the days when I wasn't as kind as I should have been. I was committed. I stayed the course and I honored them till they passed. Yes.

Rayna Neises: Yeah. I think the consistency of just showing up is definitely one of the things. I share that I think that the definition of no regrets for me is. Being is growing and changing with it, that in each experience we have in life, we can either regret it and be sad and, and oftentimes get bitter

and 

Susie Lewis: Yeah.

Rayna Neises: Or we can take that to move and to [00:20:00] grow and to change. And so when I think of regrets, that's exactly what you did, was you found a way to be able to, no matter where you were in your growth process to do the best that you can do at time

Susie Lewis: Yeah.

Rayna Neises: And there's a lot of freedom in realizing we're doing the best that we can.

And as long as we can look ourselves in the mirror and say, Lord, I'm doing the best that I can, the best that I know, help me find the resources that I need. Help me get the counseling if I need that, whatever it is. Having that heart and that desire to do better than what we've done before, I think sets us up to be able to look back and be

Susie Lewis: Yeah, I I do think, With both of my parents, well, like with my dad, the easier path would have definitely been to let him go and live a, in a nursing home. which sometime my mother-in-law who just passed in January, we had no other option. She had to live in a facility. We were not able to care for her needs.

So I understand there [00:21:00] are times when that is the only option. if I could have cared for her in our home, I would have, but with my dad being in our home was an option. and so the fact that we did that, even on the hard days, it would've been so much easier to say, you know what, dad, let's get you set up somewhere.

but with my husband and oh my goodness,his support, without him on board, I, I wouldn't know, there's no way, um, we would've made it through there. Just be in there and stay in the course and knowing that what we're doing is honoring our parents is honoring God as well.

Rayna Neises: yeah,

Susie Lewis: Yeah.

Rayna Neises: Well, and I appreciate too, coming from a hard relationship many times, again, as I'm coaching and as I'm talking to people in support groups, they have a difficult relationship with someone. They feel like, oh, there's just no way, and sometimes it's not healthy. Sometimes that relationship is so toxic that it's not healthy to be the [00:22:00] one providing that care.

But you can still facilitate care. You can still make sure that they're being cared for and that you're a part of as much of it as you can be. I love that you found that this was a catalyst to helping you heal and also, healing that relationship. And so I do think there are times that that can be. We haven't lived with our parents since we were little and since they were, totally in charge of everything. it changes everything. It really does change everything to be able to spend that amount of time with them.

Even for me, as I was part-time with my dad, there's just so many opportunities to really engage at a different

level. 

Susie Lewis: Yes.

Rayna Neises: When you're there all the time, rather than coming and going. So, let's end with our last question. What would be one thing that you wish you knew or that you would like to share with someone who's just starting their caregiving or even in the thick of the hard?

Susie Lewis: One is write it down. [00:23:00] Write down those precious memories. I wish I had.

Rayna Neises: think you will never forget, but it

Susie Lewis: It does not. No. Just like with our children, some of the things my children did, you know, and now they'll talk about it and I'm like, oh yeah, I remember that. Sure. I wish I had written it down for my children.

Swore I was gonna write this down, write these things down after spending that month with my mom. but, you know, time fades our memories. And so I would say are, if you have the privilege and the honor of getting to care for your parents, perhaps just a daily, couple of sentences in a journal, so you can remember, and look back on the times that you have been gifted by God.

I would just encourage you, if you have the privilege and the honor to be able to take care of your parents, to write down those precious memories. And that is something you can always go back and look at and remember with joy and a [00:24:00] smile in your heart.

and then the other one that really, someone had to step into my life and say this to me. , And I, I think today's self-care is like a little. Iffy topic. but boy, I tell you, I, well, I shared with you already, I lost a lot of weight, from the stress. And a friend stopped by my mom's one day and she said, Susie, if you do not take care of yourself, you cannot take care of your mom.

And so I just started taking enough time to just go for a walk. I'm not saying that self-care is go hop in a bubble bath or, go get your nails done. That's great. That's fine if that's your way. But it can be just going outside and spending 10 minutes outside, praying, singing, walking, but just a few minutes to, allow yourself to breathe and, find a way to take care of yourself because.

[00:25:00] Self care or, caring for our loved ones who can't care for themself is a hard, one of the hardest jobs we'll ever be called to do. And, and we do have to take care of ourself too in order to do it and do it well. So I would just encourage anyone listening to, write it down and take care of yourself.

Rayna Neises: Such wisdom. And it's funny because those of us who have walked this path before, you keep saying the same thing over and over again. I have 220 some odd episodes and I sometimes feel like a broken record when I'm talking about self-care. But I am there with you, Susie. It is there. will be nothing left of

you 

Susie Lewis: That's right.

Rayna Neises: figure out how to care for yourself, and there cannot be joy and happiness and fulfillment and all the things that God still has for the rest of your life you [00:26:00] don't

take 

Susie Lewis: That is so.

Rayna Neises: And so it is one of the most important things that it is not easy. It does not look the same for everyone, but you need to keep finding those ways that fill your spirit, that take care of you. And so thank you for that encouragement because it is so true and it is so important. I 

Susie Lewis: Yes, yes,

Rayna Neises: Thank you so much for joining us today, Susie. It's been great to visit with you.

Susie Lewis: it was, uh, such a privilege. Rayna, thank you so much.

Rayna Neises: Thank you again for joining me today for Stories of Hope with Susie on A Season of Caring Podcast, where there is hope to live content, love, well, and care without regrets. If you have medical, financial, or legal questions, be sure to consult your local professionals and take heart in your season of caring. ​