Five Years, Five Lessons: Find Hope in Caregiving with "No Regrets"

Five years after my book No Regrets: Hope for Your Caregiving Season released, I’m taking you inside the message that has come back to me in emails, reviews, and tearful “me too” notes from family caregivers. If you’ve ever felt isolated by Alzheimer’s disease, dementia care, or the nonstop mental load of caregiving, I want you to hear this clearly: you are not alone, and God is not absent from the hospital room, the memory care unit, or the quiet kitchen table where you sort pills. 

I share five practical, faith-rooted truths that can anchor you through long days and hard decisions. We talk about intentional caregiving that helps you look back with fewer regrets, how caregiving requires both head and heart, and why faith doesn’t mean you never feel fear. You’ll hear a simple pattern for handling anxiety by naming what’s scary, remembering God’s character, and asking only for today’s portion of strength, plus a needed reminder that honoring your loved one does not require losing your health, your boundaries, or your calling. 

To celebrate, I’m hosting a Five Days of Hope Celebration (June 1 through June 5) and giving away five signed copies of No Regrets. Listen, share this with a caregiver who needs hope, then subscribe, leave a review, and tell me: which of the five truths do you want to practice this week?

Transcript

Five-Year Milestone And Purpose

Rayna Neises 0:02

Welcome to A Season of Caring Podcast, where we share stories of hope for family caregivers and remind you that even in the middle of the hard, God is here. I'm your host, Rayna Neises, and I am glad that you are here with me today Today's episode is a little extra special because we're celebrating a milestone together. Five years ago, on June 1st, my book, No Regrets: Hope For Your Caregiving Season, was released to the world. I wrote it for caregivers just like you, walking through long days, hard decisions, and those sacred, ordinary moments of love that most people never see. When I look back, I am just amazed at how God has used this little book- through your stories, your emails, your tears, your me too messages. So to celebrate this five-year anniversary, I'm doing something fun. It's a Five Days of Hope Celebration from June 1st through June 5th all week I'll be sharing encouragement, reflections, and some favorite book excerpts. I'm giving away five signed copies of No Regrets. So if you know of a caregiver who needs hope, or if you need that reminder yourself, I would love for you to follow along and maybe even gift a copy to someone who's in the thick of it right now. But for today's podcast, instead of just talking about the book, I wanna take you inside of it just a little bit. Over the last five years, certain themes from No Regrets are the ones that readers have mentioned to me time and time again. So I thought, "Why not?" What a better way to celebrate than to share five core lessons from the book. So this is five truths to anchor you in your

Five Days Of Hope Giveaway

Rayna Neises 1:56

own caregiving season, whether you've read it cover to cover or you're just hearing about it for the very first time. All right, let's jump in together.

Lesson One You Are Not Alone

Rayna Neises 2:05

Lesson number one. You are not alone in this story. One of the things I hear most often from readers is, "I just didn't feel so alone when I read your story." In fact, many say it's like sitting and having coffee together. Caregiving can be incredibly isolating. Your friends, they just might not understand why you can't just get away for a weekend. Or your siblings, they might not be that involved. So people see pictures on social media, but they don't see the 2:00 a.m. bathroom runs, the medication mix-ups, or even the quiet tears in the car. When I wrote No Regrets, I shared very honestly about my journey with my mom and my dad, both living with Alzheimer's disease. I talked about the beautiful moments, yes, but I also talked about the messy ones, the exhaustion, the doubts, and the awkward moments with caregivers. And what I've heard from so many of you is that seeing someone else's real imperfect story helped you feel less like you were doing something wrong and more like, "Oh, this is just what caregiving looks like sometimes." You are not the only one who has felt overwhelmed, confused, guilty for wanting a break, grateful and resentful at the same time The enemy loves to whisper, "You're the only one who feels this way," but that's just not true. Psalm 139 tells us there is nowhere we can go from God's presence. Not the hospital room, not the memory care unit, not the quiet kitchen table where we're sorting pills. And beyond that, God has given you a whole community of caregivers who do understand. Some of you I've met through coaching, some through the book, some through podcast, and even workshops. So the first lesson I want you to take away from these five years is this: You are not alone in this story. God sees you, and there are others on this road with you, even if you haven't met them yet.

Lesson Two Choose Intentional Care

Rayna Neises 4:39

All right, lesson number two. Intentional care helps you to finish with no regrets. The heart behind the book is right there in the title, No Regrets. Now, do I believe that you're going to make it through a long caregiving season without ever wishing that you've done something differently? No, definitely not. We're human. We get tired. We mess things up. But I do believe, and I have seen, and I've lived that being intentional in this season can dramatically reduce your if onlys, and I wish I had thoughts later. Those regrets only happen if we don't change what we know we want to be different. In the book, I talk about some really simple choices my sister and I made with my dad. Prioritizing time with him over keeping the house perfect. Choosing to have certain conversations while he could still participate in those conversations. And looking for ways to say yes to moments that mattered, even if they were inconvenient. Intentional, it doesn't mean complicated. It means that you're awake to the fact that this season, as hard as it is, will not last forever. Right now, you're in the middle of normal. Your normal might be doctor visits or memory lapses or mobility challenges, but there will come a day when you look back and say, "Those were the days when I still had them with me." So I want to ask gently, are there words that you want to say while you still can? Are there small traditions or routines that you want to build into this season? Is there a way to capture memories through photographs, journaling, voice notes? You'll want them in the future. You'll be so thankful that you have them. Being intentional doesn't mean doing more. Sometimes it means doing less of what doesn't really matter so that you can do more of what does. That's how we begin to walk through this season with fewer regrets.

Lesson Three Head And Heart

Rayna Neises 7:04

All right, Ready for lesson number three? Caregiving requires both head and heart. Another theme readers mention often is that No Regrets speaks to both the practical side of caregiving and the emotional or the heart side. Caregiving is very much head and heart work On the head side, you're managing medications, coordinating doctor's visits, watching for safety issues, handling finances and paperwork. On the heart side, you're grieving losses. You're navigating changing roles, wrestling with guilt and even resentment sometimes, cherishing moments of connection. In the book, I share stories where those two collide, like making decisions about my dad's living situation or when to step in and when to let him try something on his own. Those weren't just logistical decisions. They were emotional ones. Sometimes we try to survive caregiving by staying only in our head, checking the boxes, getting things done, staying efficient. Other times, we get so swept away by our heart, by the grief, by the fear, and the anger that the practical things start to fall apart. We need both. So what does that look like for you? It might mean having a simple planning rhythm each week where you sit down with a calendar and look at what's coming, and also having a rhythm for your heart, maybe journaling, or maybe a walk with worship music, or time with a trusted friend or counselor where you can say the things that you don't say anywhere else. You're not too emotional for feeling the weight of it all, and you're not too cold for focusing on logistics. Both are a part of loving well. Ask yourself, what does your head need this week to be supported, and what does your heart need this week to be cared for? Both matter to God. Both matter to your ability to keep going, without a doubt.

Lesson Four Fear With Faith

Rayna Neises 9:28

All right, lesson four, managing fear while holding on to faith. Many of the reviews and messages I get mention this combination, fear and faith Caregiving, we face a whole lot of unknowns. How fast will the disease progress? Will there be a cure? Will we have enough money? Am I making the right medical decisions? What happens when this is over? Fear is a very human response to real uncertainty. In No Regrets, I talk about how my own fears in caring for my parents, fears of the future, about doing it right, and about what would happen when they're gone and my life looked completely different. What I learned over time is that faith doesn't mean that you never feel fear. Faith is what you do with your fear. 1 Peter 5:7 tells us, "Cast all of your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you." Not pretend it's not there, not apologize for it. Cast it, hand it over, because He cares. For me, that sometimes looked like breath prayers in the car on the way to see Dad. "Lord, you know what today holds. Help me be present. Jesus, I don't know what to do here. Give me wisdom. God, I'm scared. Will you steady my heart?" Faith didn't always change the circumstances. My dad, he still declined. Hard decisions still had to be made, but faith changed me in the middle of it. It reminded me that I was not carrying this season alone. If fear has been loud for you lately, maybe you could try this simple pattern. Name the fear, "Lord, I'm afraid of..." Acknowledge God's character, "You are faithful, good, near, wise." Ask for today's portion, "Would you give me what I need for today?" You don't have to have tomorrow's strength yet. God meets you one day at a time. He is so faithful to do that.

Lesson Five Honor Without Losing You

Rayna Neises 11:54

All right, here we are at lesson number five, honoring your loved one without losing yourself. The last lesson I want to highlight from No Regrets is one that is very close to my heart and to yours. Honoring your parent or your loved one well without completely disappearing in the process So important and so many people struggle, really struggle with this. The book, focuses especially on caring for aging parents, and one of the threads that runs all the way through it is this question: How do I honor my father and mother and still honor the life God has given me? Exodus 20:12 tells us, "Honor your father and mother." This command doesn't expire when they become frail or dementia changes who they are, but honoring doesn't mean doing everything alone, saying yes to everything, every single request, or ignoring your own health, marriage, children, or calling. In my season of caring, honoring my parents looks like treating them with dignity, even when their abilities changed, involving them in decisions as much as possible for as long as possible, and speaking respectfully about them, even when things were hard. Bringing in help, setting boundaries, and even making choices of where I would live to help support them, but at the same time, live my own life. You can honor someone and still say, "I can't do that, but here's what I can do." You can honor someone and still take a day off, a weekend off, a week off. You can honor someone and still protect your own heart and health. Your life still matters in this season. Your rest matters, your laughter matters, and your walk with God and others matter. If there's one thing I hope No Regrets has helped caregivers understand, it's this: You can walk your loved one all the way home to Jesus and arrive on the other side of this season still standing. Tired, yes. Changed, absolutely, but not destroyed. With a heart that can look back even through tears and say, "I loved well. I loved as well as I knew how with God's help, and I still have a life that I love, and I still have a purpose and meaning as I continue to move on in this life." Here's a couple of questions for you to think about.

Five Journal Questions To Ponder

Rayna Neises 14:48

As we celebrate five years of No Regrets, I wanna leave you with a few questions to ponder. Maybe grab a journal or just let them sit with you this week. Where do I most need the reminder that I'm not alone in my caregiving? What is one intentional choice that I can make this week that my future self will be grateful for? What does your head need right now practically, and what does your heart need emotionally? Which fear has been the loudest lately, and how can you bring that honestly to God today? What is one small way I can honor my loved one and honor the life that God has given me this week? You don't have to tackle all of these at once. Even sitting with them in God's presence can just open up new hope As we wrap up, I just want to say thank you.

Thanks Reviews And How To Enter

Rayna Neises 15:46

Thank you to those of you who have read No Regrets, who have shared it with friends, who have written reviews. If you've read it, please review it or sent me messages about how it met you right where you were. Every time I hear, "I didn't feel so alone," or, "This helped me make decisions with fewer regrets," I'm reminded that God really does use our stories, our ordinary, imperfect stories, for his purpose. And if you haven't read it yet, this week is a beautiful time to do that. We're in the middle of our five-year birthday celebration for No Regrets: Hope for Your Caregiving Season with Five Days of Hope from June 1st through June 5th. I'll be sharing extra encouragement, reflections from the book, and giving away those five signed copies. You can register to win on social media. So check us out @RaynaNeises or A Season of Caring. So if you or someone you love is in the thick of caregiving and needs hope, I'd love for you to follow along and enter the giveaway. You can find all the details on Facebook at A Season of Caring.

Final Encouragement And Closing

Rayna Neises 17:01

Thank you for joining me for this special anniversary episode of A Season of Caring Podcast, where we share stories of hope for family caregivers to live content, love well, and care without regrets. If you have financial, legal, or medical questions, be sure to consult your local professionals. And until next time, remember, you don't have to do this perfectly. With God's help, you can walk this season in a way that lets you look back and say, "I have no regrets," and have a heart anchored in hope